Undoubtedly, over the course of my ministry I have been thrown into some challenging situations. Some that I knew exactly what I signed up for, others that came as a definite surprise. To be sure, I have often had to embrace God’s words to Joshua as if He were speaking them directly to me.
Joshua 1:9 “…be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go."
In my first experience as a Senior Pastor, the church was medium sized and I was specifically hired to transition their traditional ministry into becoming a thriving contemporary, growing church. Now obviously, that’s a challenge to say the least. Yet, I knew what I was walking into and what I had signed up for. I knew that there would be many moments of needed healing within the congregation as a result of change (regardless of how positive) over time. Imagine having (among others) the simultaneous roles of a spiritual surgeon, makeover artist, and bodybuilder, adding to that all the growing pains there would be in leading an entire organization of people to new life and a new identity. Many people say they want change, but then when it actually happens, it can be a different story, thus the need for frequent moments of relational/church healing. Every stage in a church’s life and growth have unique dynamics and challenges, all of which require intentional skills in relationships/church healing, especially among staff and key leaders.
In another church situation, the challenges were even more daunting, very serious, and all discovered by surprise. Unknown to me upon my arrival, the church was in serious, terminal inner conflict and spiritual apathy, and their less than pleasant history had been concealed. The challenges I faced were intentionally hidden and left for me to run into over time. Sounds like a blast, doesn’t it? The congregation needed major healing. Yet in that situation, there was an additional level of healing needed to take place over time, the healing I needed from being disillusioned and being intentionally led astray. What I discovered wasn’t what I signed up for. Two entities needed healing, myself and the congregation.
The truth is, every church needs healing at some level. Bad things happen to and in good churches, and good churches can and do have some bad things happen from time to time. Healing is a continual aspect of every church because churches are filled with relationships and relational systems of all kinds, and rightly so. Relationships are a beautifully big part of what church should be all about.
In nearly every kind of relationship, there will be moments of conflict, some larger than others. But wherever there is conflict at any level, there will always be a need for healing. You can’t change the fact that you aren’t going to get every relationship, every decision, every conversation just right, but you can change how you handle it when you get it wrong, or when someone happens to wrong you. That’s where a congregation can begin to learn the art and necessity of healing.
There are several questions a congregation and its leadership need to ask in order to know best how to go about the efforts to heal their congregation or segments of it. Some issues that cause the need for healing in a congregation hit the congregation as a whole, others hit pockets of the church.
Question 1- At the heart, is the issue(s) in the church more vision related or interpersonal related?
Believe it or not, most issues in church that need healing are at the base, issues of vision. Yes, they may become personally and emotional charged among relationships in the church. Yes, they may cause all kinds of interpersonal spills and become super-spiritualized, but at the heart, many times they simply boil down to an issue of vision.
Unfortunately, often by the time you get the chance to address the issues of vision, the whole thing has become so personally and emotionally charged that people have a hard to healing the emotional wounds even when they can learn to find a way to resolve the issues of vision.
So many conflicts could be kept from going nuclear and thus in need of major healing intervention if it was recognized early on that the issues were more about vision than anything else.
Another sub questions in all of this is, if it’s an issue of vision, is it about a non-essential issue or an essential issue within the church? Every church needs to determine what beliefs and values are essential in the life and ethos of the church, and which are non-essential. Obviously, people will have their own sense of what is essential or not, but having an understanding of this for the church will help you teach and encourage your way towards healing. Every conflict is an opportunity to teach and come back to the heart, vision, and values of your ministry. Teaching helps bring perspective and understanding to issues that may simply lack wisdom and insight.
Most of the time, people are hurt and issues emerge when they feel they can’t, aren’t, or don’t know how to buy in or be a part of the vision for the church. People desire to be significant and needed, the moment it appears to them that something is leading away from that, you can bet on it, issues needing healing are going to emerge, and fast.
One time, after first arriving as the new pastor of the church I currently serve, a gentleman quickly wanted to sit me down and talk about the issues he didn’t agree with in the church, all of them vision related at the heart. If I didn’t recognize that these issues were really more about vision and really just wanting to find a place within that vision where he could buy in and be a part, the conversation good have easily turned into a personal, emotionally charged, and uncomfortable meeting. However, two important things happened.
One, I was able to teach him about what and why the Church held to certain issues of vision, helping him see the thoughtfulness, care, and heart behind who we desire to be as a Church, even if he still did not agree. More importantly, I began to point out so many other areas where he agreed and valued the same things that the Church did. At the end, I asked, “With all the things you agree on about our church, we need your support, do you think you could agree to disagree about these couple things (all of which were non-essentials for the church) cause we sure do need you.” A smile came upon face and enthusiasm lifted his non-verbals. “Absolutely, Pastor Chris, I’m glad I stopped by.”
Having a good sense of what are essential issues for the church will help in doing your best to “If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone” Are there times when you run into a situation where there is an issue that presents no room for compromise, and the only way things can be resolved is for the person to move in a new direction, perhaps even transitioning to another church? Sure.
For some, this reality can cause a sense of fear and dread towards conflict. And to be sure, most leaders want as many people to “buy in,” grow, and put their hands to plow as possible. Yet, those moments where an insurmountable issue surfaces can be seen as an opportunity to help that person best steward God’s calling and direction for their lives and for the church. Sometimes, the result will be that the person will have a change of heart or mind, other times it will mean something else. Your role in the situation can simply be in helping that person make the most faithful stewardship decision in regards to the use of their calling, gifts, and resources for ministry.
Yet, in all this, it’s equally important to know that a conflict that shows itself to mainly be about an issue of vision, can in fact, really be an interpersonal issue at heart. There have been times I have had people come to my office to present me with some kind of vision-related issue that they feel has caused them to need to step down or even completely leave the church. But, after digging around a little bit, frequently I soon discover that something or (more likely) someone hurt their feelings.
When the issues are more interpersonal in nature, here again, it’s important to distinguish what is really going on at the base level. It’s amazing how when you deal with the interpersonal problem behind it all, the surface issue(s) of vision quickly takes a back seat.
Some time ago, I had a staff person come to me and announce their deep concerns about the direction of church, even suggesting their difficulty in getting on board. I was surprised, and even a bit confused by this sudden announcement. Soon, I realized that it wasn’t about church direction. As we talked more and more, I steered the conversation in such a way to discover that the real issue was that his wife was offended by something I said to her in passing several months ago. It turned out to be a miscommunication, but it was allowed to simmer and grow over several months until finally it came out as an issue of vision. Once things were cleared up between myself and his wife, the vision issue went away and healing emerged.
Question 2- What is the scope of the issue(s) needing healing?
When Paul, in the Bible, used the analogy of our physical bodies to describe the nature of the church, he gave us some beautiful wisdom to draw from when seeking to heal a congregation.
Just like your body, a church can handle bumps and bruises of conflict, but multiple or widespread conflicts are tougher, as it is with your body. Burn the tip of your finger, it hurts, but you’ll be just fine. Burn your hand, it will hurt more, but once healed, you’ll be able to carry on. Burn your entire arm, now things get dicey. Burn your arms and both your legs from the knees down, and things are at a very critical level. So it is with the wounds that a church can incur.
Every church has it’s own tolerance level of change, pain, and conflict. Ideally, you never want to get too close to this level, at least not for long, and you certainly don’t want to bend the meter passed it if you can help it.
In the church I referenced at the beginning of this article where I was hired to lead significant change, often in staff and leadership conversations I would ask, “How are we doing, where are we on the change meter?” Just like your body, the change, growth, and even pain that results from positive progression can be tolerated and even harnessed if managed carefully. But sometimes, for all kinds of reason, a church can be burdened with more pain and change than the can manage and still function normally at the same time.
That’s why diagnosing the level of the issue is critical. How widespread is it, who does it involve? Is there a significant level of disunity, hurt, or discouragement among the staff? How long has the issue been going on in the church or part of the church? How has the ministry suffered due to this area of needed healing?
Questions like this help to understand the severity and scope of the issue(s) needing healing, and ultimately prepare us to be willing to ask one of the most important questions…
Do we need an outside, professional consultant to help us understand the issue(s) and how to move towards healing?
Many times a Church can move towards healing on their own as their leadership culture becomes skilled at preventing and working through places of needed healing in the congregation. But sometimes, even the best staff and leaders need to get outside help.
Here are a few links to some quality Church consultant groups…
http://www.rainergroup.com
http://www.churchdoctor.or
http://www.lifecatalystcon
Question 3- What process/attempts has been used to bring healing to the issue(s)?
Have you ever been to a gathering of somebody else’s family, and the way they treat each other surprises you as their interactions are more harsh, callous, and unloving than what you are used to. They seem to give no thought to the way they hurt, disappoint, or offend each other.
Believe it or not, in the same way, some church families can become very callous, cold, and unloving in the way they treat each other and do ministry together. Overtime, a culture of disunity, emotional distance, and poor relationships and relational skills become an overall part of the system and ethos of the church. They may be able to put on a veneer of appearances that everything is warm and cozy among people in the church, but peal back a layer or two and it’s there. They are like a frozen hamburger you don’t heat up long enough in the microwave; warm on the outside, but frozen on the inside.
A great question to ask of the culture in your congregation is… do people sense it when there are issues of healing that need to be addressed? Does your church have an emotional and relational radar up and running to detect when there are areas of tension, disunity, pain, or hurt that need to be addressed?
There will always be a certain level of conflict and hurt that need healing in a congregation, that is constant. The question is, when conflict and hurt happen, is it addressed and healed where possible? Do people know how to do this? Obviously not every fence can be mended and some people thrive on conflict and playing the victim card. But, what is the overall value of peace, love, and togetherness in the culture of the church?
On one side, some churches won’t make even some of the simplest decisions unless everybody is all warm and fuzzy about it and the moment there is any sense of conflict, disagreement, hurt, or pain in the church, they immediately go to DEFCON-5 mode. Other churches could care less. For at least a segment of the church, it’s our way or the highway, there is no attempt to bring others along with patience and grace. If people run into problems along the way in their church life and involvement, suck it up and get over it.
In my humble view, both are in error. One church is consensus driven, the other is agenda driven.
Paul strikes the proper balance between the two, “If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.”
No, you can’t have perfect unity and harmony about everything all the time. Jesus himself (perfect in love) let people walk away from following him without even chasing them down and begging them to reconsider. Yet, we need to do our very best to bring people along and to maintain the very highest quality of relationships, community, and togetherness we can as a church moves forward and fulfills her calling as she’s led by Spirit of God.
One of the things I believe this means is that a church should develop a written, biblical process for handling conflict. This process should involve plenty of listening, objectivity, resolution strategies, and seek to be as fair and love-driven as possible. The process should spell out the details, when and how it should be used, what each step involves, and who carries it out. Every church needs to decide where “the buck stops” in terms of conflict resolution. For some, it’s the congregation, for others it’s a leadership or eldership team. Whatever the case may be, at times somebody has to make the final ruling on issues of conflict, if after going through the process, resolution is not obtained.
An established conflict resolution process brings consistency, maturity, and a thorough road map towards healing for issues needing healing in a church.
Every person involved in a church holds a bucket of water and a bucket of gasoline in their hands, especially volunteers and leaders. When the sparks of conflict, hurt, pain, or disunity flicker, either they can poor water on it, or gasoline. How they handle it determines which bucket is used. An established process for conflict resolution maximizes the potential for the cool waters of healing to occur instead of more damage being done and things even inflaming out of control.
A process for handling conflict reduces some of the fear and dread people have towards conflict and it helps a congregation see conflict as an opportunity for growth for all involved.
Question 4- What is the congregation’s overall sense of what congregational peace and unity look like?
In the second church I referenced in the opening of this article, one of the things that led to so much conflict, disunity, and strife crippling the church from its inception was due to the reality that the highest and most prized level of unity was based on friendships, friendship groups, and business relationships. Thus, the keeping of friendships, friendship groups, and business relationships trumped any higher, unifying factors like an overall shared church vision that drew people to Christ, compelled them to spiritual maturity, and united them in a shared mission to change the world as a unique body of believers called by God. Friendships and business acquaintances fueled and founded the church, not the church fueling and founding friendships and groups unified in Christ and a calling to be His people together in mutual mission. The church came out of and existed for friendships and business relationships, not the church creating friendships and relationships of all types and needs as they live out and seek to fulfill their ultimate calling by God. There is a huge difference.
The lower a Church’s sense of what unifies and fuels a church, the higher the potential for conflict, disunity, and disharmony. A Church can minimize the general amount of hurts in a congregation that need to be healed simply by raising the level of their vision to pursue their highest calling, guarded by the highest of values, fueled by the giving of their very best to pursue an encounter with God that they live to give away to others.
Indeed the scriptures are true, Proverbs 29:18 “Where there is no vision (pursuing God revelation) the people will perish” -parenthesis mine.
One effective way to keep a canoe of people from eventually getting sideways with each other, hurting each others feelings, and capsizing the entire canoe, is to show them and compel them to focus their efforts on pursuing a direction and purpose higher than themselves and even their togetherness.
For some, peace can be seen as merely being tolerant of others. However, Jesus taught us to love our enemies, not just tolerate them To others, peace requires nothing less than conformity and perfect harmony to be attained. No wonder why a congregation needs to be intentional in helping people see what healthy, true peace looks like and comes from for a congregation. The way a congregation envision what peace looks like for them as a church will greatly govern how and if hurts are healed, to what extent, and whether or not true peace and unity will ever be realized.
Pastors, staff, and key leaders are well served to continually teach on what peace and unity looks like in their church, the importance of its value, and how to foster and protect it. This will go a long way towards building and sustaining a church culture where hurts individually and corporately are put under the Lordship of Jesus Christ, and thus moved towards healing and the ultimate strengthening of the Church and its people.
Find me a place in your life (or mine) where Satan is having his way, and you will have found of place where likely there is ignorance. Hard to hear, hard to say, but true.
There are three problems this scripture identifies that existed at the beginning of creation. We can know this by digging under the surface to the deeper Hebrew meanings of three of the words.
The problems of disorder, chaos and ignorance/darkness are not from God. In fact, the Bible says the God is light, in Him there is no darkness. It also says that God is not a God of disorder nor is He the author of chaos. Rather, throughout scripture and creation, we see quite the opposite, God has put order into everything and His handwork and character can be seen in His creation. That’s because, in verse 3, God provides the solution… “light.” But it’s not the kind of light that you get when you flip the switch in your house, as a matter of fact, you may be surprised to notice that the “sun” is not given until verse 16. Rather, the word “light” is also the Hebrew word for “divine revelation” or “divine knowledge.”
Thanks to Miles Munroe for inspiration
Recently, we have gone through an experience with our son that has served to teach him (and all of us) the difference between backpedaling and giving up.
If you are like me, as a parent you never want to see your child “give up” on something. Whether it’s plans they have established, a team they are on, or a promise they have made. And so we teach them phrases like, “You need to finish what you start” and “Quitters never win, and winners never quit.” And rightly so, giving up is not a principal that one is served well to live by. In our convenience-laddened culture, the idea of “giving up” comes much too easily and prematurely. Many simply “give up” the moment the going gets tough or causes them inconvenience. Indeed, commitment is the willingness to be unhappy for a while.
Yet, at the same time, there are times when we need to backpedal. That is, we get into a situation we thought was healthy, right, and in the flow of God, only to clearly find out, it wasn’t. The writings are all over the wall, “something is deeply wrong and even evil here” or “there is something not of God about this” or “this is not something for which God is anointing you.” You may not see those messages with your physical eyes or hear them with your ears, but your discernment and spiritual eyes see it clearly. It’s not a matter of trying harder, cow-boying up, or just enduring a difficult season. It’s not about you merely being frustrated, tired, hurt, or discouraged. It’s about that fact that you pedaled into something thinking it was God’s leading, only to find out, God’s no longer into it, He was never into it from the beginning, or He isn’t into it for you.
Obviously, this takes some skills in discernment to know the difference. God often leads us into situations that are challenging to grow our character and dependence on Him. But at the same time, Satan loves to entice us into things that waste our time, steal our joy, and distract us from God’s true leading in our life.
What’s the difference? God’s presence.
The moment you feel God’s presence/anointing leave you or a situation, it’s time to back pedal, and fast. Yet, as long as you sense God’s presence/anointing, you should never give up.
There have been times of great challenge, adversity, pain, and struggle in my life where in my head I wanted to give up, and could come up with all kinds of reasons and excuses as to why I should and could even spiritualize them. However, God presence/anointing was still there, and so I couldn’t give up. It’s hard to explain in words, but to those who are sensitive to it and seek it out, you can have a sense of what God is anointing (putting His presence into) in your life, and what He isn’t.
Recently, Harrison signed up to play challenge-level soccer. He made the U-11 team and was excited about the season ahead. Yet from the beginning, with coaching problems, parent problems, and player problems, we began to discern, “something isn’t right here.” But instead of pulling the trigger too soon, we decided to give it time and see what happens, even to the point I agreed to be the head coach of the team, even after two coaches had previously opted out. Yet the more I got involved, the more the signs became loud and clear, “something really isn’t right here” and this wasn’t a battle God wanted me to fight.
In life, we need to choose our battles carefully, and especially make sure that if you
tee-it-up for battle, God better be in it with you. Sometimes we take on challenges and battles God never gave us the green light for. And then we wonder why we tire easily, get bruised and battered, and ultimately wind up discouraged and even defeated.
So what did we do? We back pedaled. We didn’t give up on soccer and I didn’t give up on coaching. Not a chance. Rather, we backpedaled off the team and redirected ourselves to another opportunity for Harrison and our family where we felt God was putting His presence into. It wasn’t an easy decision, but one we knew we had to make if we wanted to be in God’s flow for our family.
Three great questions we all need to ask about every opportunity before us…
1) Is this God’s will? 2) Is this God’s will for me? 3) Is this God’s will for me at this time?
And even after all of your best discernment, always remember, there is nothing wrong with backpedaling when you find yourself into something God is simply not into, or God is simply not into for you.
Should Christians get involved in Politics?
There is a growing debate among Christians and otherwise as to whether or not God desires His Church and its people to be involved in political aspects of our culture. Some, even debate whether Christians should be involved in trying to minister to or influence culture at all. This is certainly not a new debate in history, but one that has taken more of a center stage over the last several years, perhaps because of some conservative “right wing” evangelicals' aggressive pursuit to have political influence in addition to a growing pietistic/separatist segment developing out of the reformed church movement.
As with most issues (ironically largely motivated by politics within Christendom) many Christians have taken up sides under one of two positions. One (the pietist) states that “sin” is the only issue God desires Christians to deal with and therefore anything more or less than preaching the Gospel is unfaithful for the Christian and a waste of time. Their belt buckle verse is, “My Kingdom is not of this world.” Others (the activists) believe that God’s truth and purposes are to touch and influence all of life, not just personal morality. They believe that God’s Church and its people are the primary tool that God uses to redeem, reclaim, and restore all aspects of the world, its culmination being where God “restores all thing unto Himself.” Their belt buckle verse is, “Thy Kingdom come, thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven.”
On the topic, John Barber articulates some interesting perspectives, “What is the fundamental problem? It is that both pietists and activists are biblically lopsided. Normally, Christian, social activists are committed to the Cultural Mandate, while typically Christian pietists are dedicated to the Great Commission. Activists stress change at the institutional level, while pietists contend that real change in society is only possible to the extent that human hearts are changed. A new Christian activism will seek to restore planet earth by combining both the activists' stress upon cultural restoration and the pietists' emphasis upon evangelism and discipleship.”
Each side of course has their own list of scriptures they line up as defense and cause for their view, what’s new right? Perhaps (other than denominational politics) there in lies the root of the problem. Why not seek the whole counsel of God in the Bible, not just a line-up of supporting verses?
Here are some personal thoughts that govern my humble view on the matter.
If the whole counsel of God in the Bible clearly showed, modeled, and commissioned the people of God to only deal with personal sin and refrain from any other attempts to shape or minister to culture, then there would be no debate. Yet, this is not the case, from Genesis to Revelation, you hear God’s call and see God’s example in influencing the entire world and every aspect in it, from the personal to the political, from a national level to an individual level. Trying to dance around the scriptural megaphone that declares this witness is eyebrow raising at best.
Granted, make no mistake, the salvation of people is the utmost of importance and some segments of the contemporary, social-driven church have led it to move away from this priority. This is indeed wrong and disturbing. However, that does not negate the important place of God’s other forms of redemptive work and the Christian’s responsibility to engage in it. Why, in response to one mistake, do we always swing the pendulum into making another mistake?
It’s a no brainer, as Christians we should never put our hope in any form of government or culture other than the rule and reign of Christ, yet though I do not turn to the world nor any government for my hope or salvation, it doesn’t mean that I have no responsibility to use any and all opportunities to bring God’s work of transformation to every aspect of life and living even while knowing the fullness of this God-powered, transformative change will not culminate until Jesus returns.
I can submit to government peacefully, yet harness the presence and power of Christ promised to dwell within me through the Holy Spirit to impact it and shape it at the same time. I can understand that God’s kingdom is “yet to come” and yet I can come with/bring the Kingdom to every aspect of life at the same time. Not only is this something I can do, it is something I should do.
What many seem to want to make into an “either/or” issue, in my humble view, the scriptures show to be a “both/and” issue.
New! Week 15- "How to live in a lifeless marriage" (mp3)
New! Week 14- "Is there a difference between judgment and discernment? (mp3)
Week 13- "Insights for better time management" (mp3)
Week 12- "Playing the blame game" (mp3)
Week 11- "What I have learned in my father's passing" (mp3)
Week 10- "Having influence with your kids" (mp3)
Week 9- "Becoming a more compassionate person" (mp3)
Week 8- "Creating Positive Change in Your Life" (mp3)
Week 7- "Setting Healthy Boundaries" (mp3)
Week 6- "How to treat the Whine-flu" (mp3)
Week 2 - "How do you deal with difficulty?" (mp3)
Week 3 - "My spouse and I don't see eye to eye, what do I do?" (mp3)
Week 4- "How to handle negative change" (mp3)
Week 5- "Yikes, what do I do with Criticism?" (mp3)
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To update you on the journey we have been taking with our son having his life threatened by another student in his school during school, believe it or not, the very next week (after a three day suspension), the same boy threatened another student in the class he was moved to.
Hopefully, if the school hasn't smelled the coffee yet, they will now. We had the impression that our overall concerns were minimized, I pray they aren't now. We have utilized the legal system to seek to ensure this does not happen to another student and to formally document this issue. We do not know what course of action has been taken with his most recent offense, we do know he has not been at school for the last few days.
Please pray for this young child, his family, and future. This is obviously a disturbing situation that we all hope will work out for this young person and yet at the same time will not further harm other people.
On Monday of this past week, my 9 year old son Harrison had his life threatened at school. As a boy in his class was sitting next to him at lunch, he began to tell Harrison of his plans to "chop his bother's fingers off." Harrison replied, "That is not a nice thing to say." To that, the boy replied, "Don't make me bring my 38" Another boy sitting near by helped Harrison to understand that a "38" is a gun.
Of course, Harrison was seriously spooked and shaken, especially since that same boy had earlier in the year told Harrison he had gone to court because he burned down a shed while a person was in it. Harrison told his teacher, his teacher sent them both to the office, along with the other student witness.
Of course, the principal rushed to meet with the parents of the boy who threatened to use a gun on Harrison at school. To be sure, she (the principal) had a lot on her hands and much to sort through. We love Harrison's school and have nothing but praise, respect, and thanks for all the staff and teachers. This is an excellent school to say the least.
However, we, the parents of the innocent child were not notified until hours later, even after I had called several times from the moment Harrison told us of the situation. When the principal finally did call, her excuse was that she had a meeting (not with the parents of the boy) to attend. Obviously, she dropped everything on her schedule to inform the guilty boy's parents of the situation and deal with them personally, but then resumed her schedule instead of informing us, the parents of the innocent child. At the very least, would you not have a staff member call about such a serious matter? Apparently, not if you are the innocent party. Thankfully, the principal later realized her error and apologized. Again, a testament to the quality of the school.
While we waited for her call, I called the school board. They were very prompt to return my call and address the situation. Yet, as we discussed our desires in terms of how we would like to see things handled, we got the sure sense that there was going to be more emphasis on preserving the rights of the guilty boy than on preserving the rights of our innocent son. No, I do not believe anybody was negating the seriousness of the situation, but I do believe they were putting concern for our son's rights secondary to the rights of the boy who caused this situation in the first place.
For example, when we stressed our serious desire to see that the boy was removed from Harrison's classroom so that Harrison did not have to come to school preoccupied with fear and unable to full concentrate, believe it or not, I had to strongly fight for this simple adjustment to take place. I had to actually convince those in power that my son's right to attend school without fear and preoccupation was as important as what they did or did not do with the guilty boy. I actually had to point out that just because the boy was being punished does not mean that it is "o.k." for Harrison's education to suffer in anyway due to what has happened. I had to point out that the punishment this boy received is "justice" and any lessoning of my child's educational experience due to this is "unjust." Yup, I had to actually point all of that out and fight for Harrison's feelings and educational experience to be taken equally seriously. Unbelievable.
Furthermore, I was told that the goal in all of this is to "do right by both parties." Really, is that the goal? Are you kidding me? I thought the goal should be to preserve the safety of the educational environment at all costs, even if that means not "doing right" in the eyes of those who violate and threaten that environment.
I have been around the block enough to know that it is very rare when you are able to take a situation such as this and "do right by both parties" There is likely going to be a side upon which things are deemed as less fair. The question is, which side has the greatest right to "fairness" especially when doing so is seen as unfair by the other party.
I believe, the moment that boy threatened to kill my son, he cancelled his and his family's right to claim "fairness" nor have the fairness pursuit bent towards fulfilling their expectations or vision of what fairness would look like.
The idea that public education is a right in the first place, is ridiculous. It is a privilege, not a right. And, the moment you threaten the life of a child and the safety of the school as a whole, you negate any claims to that privilege. Furthermore, if your child is allowed to continue in the public school system in any way shape or form, you have been given grace, not what is rightfully yours. You should be on your hands and knees thanking God and pleading mercy from all involved. And to be sure, no matter what decisions are made, you have no room whatsoever to cry "that's unfair."
If anybody has the right to cry "that's unfair" it is the innocent, not the guilty. If anybody aught to have their concerns and needs given more attention and allowed more influence, it should be the innocent. The principal and school system should have had the mindset that.... first and foremost, we need to make sure that Harrison's educational experience is not hampered, he is able to recover from this trauma, his parent's are confident that we are putting his education, feelings, and safety as our highest priority, and whatever we need to do to achieve those goals for Harrison and the school at large, we will do it. Then, and only after then, will we do our best to move things forward in as positive way as possible for the guilty party. In my estimation, that was not near the mindset.
By the way, the guilty boy was offered counseling, was Harrison offered any? Not a chance.
We definitely want the best for the boy who threatened our son. We have prayed for him and his family. Yet, we are not willing to risk our son's life, safety and education for this boy to be able to go on as if nothing happened at the expense of my son. He lost that claim the moment he threatened to kill my son.
At first, I thought I might have overreacted to this situation, but now I wonder, if I had acted enough. I pray what has happened to Harrison never happens to another child and their family.
Looking forward to your comments...
I am certainly no expert, but I have found a few principals that have served me well in dealing with difficult personalities of all kinds whether they be negative, controlling, passive aggressive, disrespectful, moody, etc.
Maybe these principals will help you do your best at "living at peace" with all people, even difficult ones, or just give you something to think about or a better understanding or what to pray for.
1) Discern their influence on you, key relationships, and your organization.
The first thing I do when I run into a difficult person or personality is gage the impact they are having on me and other people.
With some people, if their difficult behavior or personality is having little influence/impact on you, key relationships, and your organization, it's often simply best to "live at peace" with them as much as you can as you take a soft approach to their issues.
Love requires us to have grace for people, and being gracious with certain difficult people or personalities can not only be the best course of action, but an important sign of maturity.
We all can be difficult at times. Furthermore, we all have different personalities that don't always mesh. Discerning between what is a character issue or a personality issue is often tricky, that's why I put more weight on the influence their behavior is having. A person who has a difficult personality can be just as damaging as someone with a character flaw.
Overreacting to a difficult person is generally not the response you want, especially if their influence level is low. Furthermore, with people of lessor influence, you can do much more harm than good.
The key is to gage the person's influence/impact, the more influence on you and/or others, the more you are going to have to address their behavior and even the people with whom their behavior is impacting. It is not out of the ordinary for people to be wrongly intolerant of a difficult person, so you will want to look at the issues as objectively as possible. Just because someone says a person is difficult to deal with doesn't automatically mean their assessment is accurate, it actually may be saying more about them than about the person they are reporting.
Obviously, how they impact you is important, but at first, it may be more important to discern how they impact others. If others are getting sucked into and sympathizing with their behavior, especially key people, you will need to walk a lot more carefully, address things more directly, and likely with greater scope. It is one thing if others see their behavior or personality as problematic as you do, it's a whole other thing if only you see their behavior as problematic but others don't. That, my friend, takes a whole lot more care and attention in dealing with.
Containment is a key with any conflict, but the more the person is influencing things, the more potentially it will be harder to contain things.
If the person's behavior is equally scene as a problematic issue by others, sometimes you can simply sit back and let the system of relationships deal with difficult person as the cultural system of your organization does it's own self cleaning. Again, the key is having a good sense of that person's influence. This is equally true in handling a difficult person within a family.
Sometimes the system of relationships can handle the problem as a whole rather than your single intervention. This may take longer, but it will probably be worth the wait and give a greater chance of you not becoming the sacrificial lamb in the process.
For me, discerning a person's influence/impact on myself and others is one of the first principals I apply when dealing with their difficult behavior or personality. It tells me what urgency level I should take, how direct I need to approach the person, what level of care I need in doing so, and how much reconnaissance work I need to do ahead of time to have a good understanding of how confronting the person's behaviors will potentially play out with them and other people.
It is a huge mistake to underestimate or not consider how dealing with a difficult person will affect other relationships. Obviously, we can't control outcomes, but we can certainly do what we can to be prepared.
A good set of questions to ask yourself is... 1) What will happen if I don't address this person's difficult behavior or personality? 2) What will happen if I do address this person's difficult behavior or personality?
Sometimes no matter how you deal with a difficult person, you are going to come out on the losing end. However, answering those two questions (above) can be very helpful in charting your course.
2) Check your relational immune system
The second principal I apply is to check my relational immune system.
Everybody has one, a relational immune system that is. Like your body's immune system, a healthy relational immune system keeps the bad out and lets the good in. It sends out symptoms and signals where there is a problem or something needs attention and it allows for things that are healthy to be received and integrated.
Problems occur when we either have an over-active or under-active immune system, the same is true with our relational immune system. For some, they are too sensitive and overly defensive in regards to difficult people or personalities. For them, just about everybody who is even a little bit "off" is designated a potential threat. For others, they are too tolerant and receptive of difficult people and personalities. For them, just about any behavior is acceptable or justifiable and shouldn't be confronted.
For most of us, we have what I call, relational allergies... certain personalities or behaviors that we are more sensitive to than others. Allergies are simply the result of an overactive immune system, our bodies see something as being a "threat" that really isn't. Relationally, the same is essentially true. Likely, because of certain things in our past, certain behaviors in others "bug us," "get under our skin," or "set us off" more so than perhaps they do with other people. Being hurt or bothered in the past by certain behaviors or personalities will cause our relational radars to go on special watch for the same threat in the future. Being on special watch isn't the problem, shooting at suspected targets prematurely is a problem.
The key is coming to a healthy understanding as to why that person's behavior is bothering us, could it be that we are being too sensitive and overreacting because of experiences in our past? Could it be that we have a certain relational allergy? Could it be that something about their behavior or personality is triggering a relational reaction in us that is based more on our sensitivities than on them truly being a "threat" or "contaminant."
Furthermore, sometimes the things that bother us about other people are the things that really bother us about ourselves. The reason why their behavior or personality is bothersome to us is because they mirror what it is we really dislike about ourselves. That doesn't excuse their behavior or personality, but it can begin to help us explain our reaction and put it in proper perspective.
Bottom line, sometimes a person being difficult has more to do with us, and less to do with them. Milk isn't harmful, so if I have an allergy to it, it is more about my body than it is about the milk. The milk isn't harmful, but if I have an allergy to it, my body's response to it can be harmful. That's why checking your relational immune system is so vital.
If I know that there is something about me that is triggering or intensifying my assessment that a person's personality or behavior is difficult, I'll have a much better chance of adjusting my assessment and response to be more balanced and appropriate. Yes, we can make adjustments in our relational immune system if it is off balance. Yes, we can learn to adjust our responses to people's personalities and behaviors. But first, we have to check our relational immune system when a relational alarm goes off.
In so doing, it is a real possibility that what we discover is that we aren't over-reacting or under-reacting, the person or their personality is simply difficult, and it's much more about them than it is about you. What do you do when it's more about them than it is about you? What do you do when it's a mixture of both them and you? What do you do when it's more about you than them?
Well, as stated, we need to be ready to own our own stuff where appropriate and make adjustments, but in the end, we need to...
3) Handle different types of people and personalities differently
Below are five personality types that are common and certainly difficult to deal with. Obviously this is not an exhaustive list, but it begins to cover some common difficult personality types.
One size doesn't fit all, each personality needs to be handled a bit differently recognizing that the goal is to positively influence the behavior and at the least, find a way to "live at peace" with that person. This is not always possible, but it should be our humble goal remembering that we can be that "difficult person" too.
Negative Nick-
Negative people are very difficult to deal with, their negativity is like tar, once it gets on you or others, it can be hard to get off. They have a way of attracting negative attention and sucking others into their dark moods and plights. And sometimes, no matter how you try, they always settle on seeing or spinning things in a negative way.
Some pointers on dealing with Negative Nicks are 1) make sure, no matter what, you stay positive and not side-tracked by their behavior. The more you give them negative attention or allow them to have it with others, the more stubborn and contaminating their behavior will become. 2) Calmly take time to give them an opportunity to get on board, hear their thoughts, listen to their feelings, in the hopes they will jettison their negativity, but after that, move on without feeling you have to take responsibility for their negativity or change them. Trust me, usually unless some kind of crisis or life altering event happens, most negative people are addicted to their own negativity to the point they will likely never let it go. Like Linus with his blanket, he knows it stinks, but he just isn't willing part with it. 3) So don't think you will be able to be superman (or superwoman) and rescue them from the very thing they feed off of, negativity. Chances are unless their negativity costs them more than what is getting them, they will never make the exchange. 4) Pray for them to see the futility of that which they hold onto so dearly and that God could use you to minister to them without becoming one of them or enabling them.
One of the best ways to promote positive change in a negative person is to create a relational context where their negativity is not given traction nor attention. In addition, underneath many negative people is a fear of failure or success. For them, there is little to no apparent risk to being negative. It's hard to fail when you never try, improve, or take responsibility for your life as you always have an excuse. Furthermore, success will always allude you if you live by the rule of negativity, where there is no chance of success, there is nothing to seemingly to fear. It is when a negative person begins to see that the terrible consequences of their negativity outweigh the fear they have attached to failure or success that they may discover the motivation to move in a new direction.
Furthermore, many negative people have learned to use negativity to get attention. For many, they see negativity or negative behaviors as the only way to get attention. Teaching them to gain attention from positives and positive behaviors may not be easy, but it is possible.
Whatever you do, make sure you stay positive and on task and on target with where God is going in your life as yo do your best to minster to them.
Passive Aggressive Pete-
People who say one thing but do another, smile at your face but frown behind your back, appear to be your friend but secretly are an enemy are some of the most difficult people to deal with.
With passive aggressive people, you just never know what is coming around the next corner. You think you know where they stand and where the relationship stands, but then "bam!" Dr. Jekell turns into Mr. Hyde. Passive aggressive personalities tend to go underground with their true emotions, especially negative ones. Furthermore, they act out these negative emotions with plots, schemes, and missions of revenge that catch you by surprise. With passive aggressive people, if you knew their inner thoughts, they would definitely make you cringe.
Some pointers on dealing with Passive Aggressive Petes are 1) Try to discern them before they can damage you. Therefore... 2) Be on guard for people who use a lot of flattery 3) Watch for people who don't respect your "No,"give you disingenuous smiles or compliments, overly profess to hate confrontation, or who comply/cooperate half heartedly. These can be indicators of a passive aggressive personality. If you pick up on these, don't draw premature conclusions, but proceed in the relationship with caution.
Unfortunately, it's hard to know for sure you are dealing with a passive aggressive person until their passive aggressive behavior shows its face, and once a passive aggressive person strikes, there isn't much you can do but try and clean up the mess and then change how you relate to that person in the future.
Passive aggressive people are best dealt with by chasing truth out of the shadows enough for people to see it if they are willing to. After that, in regards to the truth, there is not much you can do or should do. That's the problem in dealing with passive aggressives, the truth often gets distorted, twisted, and even completely hidden.
Confronting the person directly about their lack of openness and honesty and their passive aggressive ways can be helpful if you do so with specific, undeniable examples and a clear articulation of how their behavior is wrong. Unfortunately however, passive aggressive people can be more interested in seemingly resolving their anger or hurts through passive aggressive behaviors then they are in having integrity and righteousness in the process. Therefore, don't be surprised if they work hard to find a way to make sure you are at fault, one way or the other. Passive aggressives are experts at justifying and rationalizing their behaviors, and they can present themselves and their behaviors as being some of the most "spiritual" of all. Additionally, they are experts at the use of guilt trips and blame to rationalize their decisions.
Getting close to and sharing yourself with a passive aggressive personality is a dangerous decision. Once you realize a person presents themselves in one way to you but is working behind the scenes in another, it is best to love them from a distance and keep them out of "the know" as much as possible.
Controlling Craig-
A close cousin to Passive Aggressive Pete is Controlling Craig. People who are overly controlling are difficult to deal with, especially when their role or situation does not call for the level of control they attempt to exercise. It should be said that some people who appear to be controlling are so because their role or situation demands it, not because of some personality or character flaw. This obviously can be hard to distinguish, but should be something to consider before a conclusion or label is given. However, most controlling people are controlling for all the wrong reasons and in all the wrong ways.
Both passive aggressive people and controlling people have a unhealthy desire for control, the only difference is how they go about getting it.
As mentioned, passive aggressive people go about their quest for control through behind the scenes/in the shadows types of methods. Controlling Craig's go about their pursuit of control in often very visible, detectable ways... pouting, temper tantrums, threats, violence, abuse, intimidation, power plays, manipulation etc. Sometimes a Controlling Craig will become a Passive Aggressive Pete when their controlling methods don't work or are found out.
Regardless, here are some pointers in dealing with Controlling Craigs. 1) Don't give into their controlling tactics 2) As soon as a you sense a problem, ask them to explain their behaviors and then if your conclusions are the same, directly and privately confront them and articulate your boundaries. You may need to do this over and over again, but whatever you do, don't back down. Most Controlling Craigs started off as backyard bullies and have inflated egos that were developed long before you entered the scene. 3) Don't give them responsibilities, comply to their wishes, or grant them areas of leadership in an effort to change them or satisfy their demands or pouting. The more they insist on controlling, the less influence and responsibility they should be allowed. Chances are, when they don't get their way or amount of power they desire, they will take their marbles and go elsewhere. They may do some damage in the process of their exit, but in the long run you and your organization will be better off. 4) Controlling people are sometimes driven by fear... fear of rejection, failure, etc. if you are able to minister to those fears, you may be able to help change their controlling behaviors, but the best context in which that should be attempted is in contexts of limited power, leadership, and influence.
Abrasive Alan-
Abrasive personalities can be very difficult to deal with. Chances are, the abrasive person doesn't realize their abrasive behavior or, if they do, they don't particularly care much.
Where some might be better at stomaching abrasive personalities, the bottom line is, for most people, abrasive people will wear on them sooner or later.
Sometimes, abrasive people have become so as a defense mechanism. Their abrasive personality repels people and subdues the risks of intimacy as their behaviors create distance and friction in relationships. Getting past a person's abrasive veneer isn't impossible, but it can take time and intentional effort.
Other times abrasive people seem to truly enjoy and value their behavior. Like, they believe that in some way it gets them ahead.
So pointers in dealing with abrasive personalities are 1) Don't try to fight fire with fire. The more abrasive you become, the more they will be come, and with more skill and resilience. 2) Stay calm cool and collected as you don't take their abrasive behaviors personally. This is obviously easier said than done, so if they hook you, don't get too discouraged. 3) Hurting people hurt others, so as best you can, try to see past the surface and explore issues of hurt or defensiveness. Chances are, you will discover there is more to their abrasive personality than meets the eye. The challenge is in how to get past the abrasive surface to the softer core of the person without getting beat up in the process. So let it be said, proceed with care and caution.
Sometimes a relational situation does not afford the time needed to possibly break through and draw out the softer person underneath the abrasive behavior. Quicker intervention may be needed as you try to help that person see the way their actions are affecting you/and or others. If they refuse to consider your feedback and make adjustments, you may not be able to do much more than distance or fully remove them or yourself from the relational situation.
Victim Violet-
A close cousin to Negative Nick is Victim Violet. Victim violet always has an excuse or place to put blame for all her problems and challenges. Of course, none of them have anything to do with her or her choices.
Victim Violet also often adopts an entitlement mentality where everybody aught to be willing to do the very things she is unwilling to do for herself. Victim violets are often lazy, impulsive, irresponsible, and experts at playing the blame game. They tend to do whatever they can to outsource responsibility and accountability for circumstances and choices. And when someone does take care of their wishes or needs, their entitlement mentality causes them to not be appropriately thankful or good stewards of what they have been given.
Here are some pointers to dealing with Victim Violets 1) Don't become an enabler by assuming they need to be rescued or their problem needs your remedying. 2) If you do help, don't do it all for them. Find ways to require them to take as much action and responsibility as they can. 3) If others are being manipulated by or drawn into their behaviors, usually it won't be long until common sense people see that continually rescuing the person is not the best course of action. However, you will want to make sure that soft hearted people are not taken advantage of or allowed to run interference with what God might be doing in that person's life. Sometimes God has people broken for a reason, and it's not for us to come rescue them, but for them to learn to find their own wings. 4) To some, not coming to the rescue of every person who presents themselves as needing rescue will be interpreted as being callous and insensitive. This is an important time to teach about the important balance between love that is tender and love that is tough. A good place to begin is in Galatians 6 where Paul distinguishes between carrying a true burden for another and making sure people learn to carry their own load.
There is so much in that one passage of scripture that is potentially life changing.
If the truth is told, at times I can be that insecure person who likes to be liked. At times, I border on (if not cross the line on) being a codependent, people pleaser who sometimes leaves his heart wide-open to hurtfulness, misuse, and the condemnation of others all in the process of hoping people will feel certain things about me that I often do not feel about myself. It is amazing what a person can be willing to do at times in the hope that people will convince them of the very things they are not convinced of about themselves.
Sure, I could blame it on my parents or my upbringing, but if the complete truth is to be told, it's my fault, period. I have not listened to God's voice near enough, I have misused my own self-talk voice, and have given way too much power and influence to the wrong voices. In short, I have not guarded my heart properly.
What has been the result? Just as the above scripture would predict. I am the kind of person where for me, much of the life in me can get easily sucked out with just a glare, a criticism, or a disappointment expressed or implied by another. It's amazing how for me, I can give a message on Sunday, a hundred people could say "it was phenomenal," but one person could say "it wasn't the best I have heard" and you know what I will vacillate on potentially for days in my brain? Yup, you guessed it, that one negative voice. I have become the kind of person who can literally become consumed by the negative opinions of others.
You may wonder, how have ever survived ministry over the years? Honestly, at certain times, not well.
Oh, I am pretty darn good at pulling up my bootstraps, cowboying up, and putting on a optimistic face, but if you knew the pain in my inner life on a weekly and even daily basis, you would likely be at least a tad surprised. Yes, I have been able to make tough decisions, lead well, exert tough love, and field tons of criticism and adversity with success, but not without a huge inner price.
People who know me from years ago when I started ministry, know me as a "larger than life" kind of person who lived with nothing less than pure, optimistic passion, practically all the time. When they look at the "life-level" in me now they sadly don't even recognize me much.
All of this is nothing less than my own fault and a result of sinning against God by not protecting my God given heart, the wellspring of life. I wonder how many people may be somewhat like me, having gone about their lives without a properly guarded heart and now are paying the price.
So what am I doing about it? Well, I used to think that if I just changed the people around me it would all go away. Not. At times I have thought, if I just went to another Church, got different friends, distanced myself from certain family, it could all go away for good. Not.
Problem is, as Paul McCartney sings "people are the same wherever you go." The truth is, there will always be voices from all kinds of sources that, if allowed, can easily get in and harm, rule, and steal the life out of your heart. The truth is, the reality of people isn't going to change, if I am to survive and thrive... I have to change.
Three things I am changing...
1) I am seeking God's voice above all things like never before.
How am I doing this? Through daily prayer and devotion where I specifically ask God to speak to my life and give me the ears to hear Him. It's that simple. I journal what I am seeking to know and hear from God and what I sense He is answering. The journaling helps me keep track, see patterns, and remember what I discovered.
An important part of my turn around comes from knowing that His voice is the most important to truly let in and listen to, especially when it comes to issues of correction and criticism. We all need correction and criticism from time to time, the issue is what voice we hear it from and take to heart the most.
David in the Bible, when rightly criticized by Nathan, realized His sin was first and foremost an issue between Him and God. Even though God used Nathan to get David's attention and introduce the issues, the real person David needed to hear from on the matter was God.
When I need correcting or to be criticized, it is first and foremost something I need to hear from God, and if I am seeking it, He will speak it loud and clear. Yes, the criticism that God brings may be initially spoken through a person or otherwise, but ultimately I need to seek God's voice in the matter and discern whether any criticism or correction from a person's voice is a mouthpiece from God or a poison dart from Satan. If I am not hearing criticism or correction from God, or the correction or criticism I am hearing is not confirmed by God, than I need to be super careful what I take to heart.
One may wonder if a person can be truly objective when it comes to hearing a message of criticism or correction from God. They can if they are surrounded by the right "they." I will speak about this later in this post.
Once God points out a real problem in me or my choices, I need to first and foremost get right with God and make sure I please Him and I am pleasing to Him, and then seek to clean up whatever the mess is with any people involved where possible and beneficial.
The result is my ultimate motive in handling issues of criticism etc. becomes first and foremost to please God and be pleasing to God. My relationship with Him is what matters most and what is most at stake. My sense of self, no matter what other voices are saying or not saying, in turn, comes first from God, not from people. The correction and healing of my heart, soul, and living is first derived from God and my relationship with Him, not what may or may not happen with people affected or involved.
In turning to Him for the primary voice of correction and criticism and placing my desire to please Him and be pleasing to Him first and foremost, then I also grow to turn to Him for the primary voice of affirmation and applause in my life. Therefore my energy, passion, and sense-of-self tubes are not connected to people's positive or negative voices, they are connected to God. Any voices, positive or negative, that are accurate will simply confirm what I am already (or need to be) hearing and taking to heart from God.
2) I am learning to tighten the circle of voices I deeply listen to as I use a lot more discretion in choosing the right "they." What or whom is "they?" "They" are the people you listen to and allow deep influence in your heart and life. The problem with my past is that almost anybody could become a part of the "they" in my life. Even people I never met that had an opinion about this or that were never checked at the door of my heart. Rather, they were almost always given an "all access" pass and were quickly allowed to become a part of the "they." Never putting their voice through any kind of cross examination for credibility, truthfulness, and value.
When I look at the "they" in Jesus' life, I see first and foremost His relationship to the Father, and then at most, His relationship with four of His disciples, of which only one (John) was allowed the most influence with Jesus. For Jesus, at maximum, the "they" was God and three others, and more likely God and one other.
I am discovering my job in life is not to try to make people feel a certain way about me. Beyond speaking truth, trying to be peaceful, living with integrity, sharing information, and clarifying confusion, there isn't a lot more anybody can do to shape the opinions of others. The sad reality is that most people don't try very hard to make sure their opinions are formed by facts or truth.
I am willing and desiring to hear and consider the words of anyone's voice, but the voices I allow any real depth into my heart are limited to God and three people; my wife and two other pastors/mentors. This is not to say that others have no influence or that I don't care about their thoughts or opinions. But when "they" speak, I now listen with my heart in ways I will no longer with anyone or anythings else. God and these three persons are the right "they" in my life. What "they" say will always get my serious attention above any other.
3) I am changing my self-talk
For me, my self-talk has been more a mouth piece speaking on behalf of Satan's perspective and desires for my life than on God's. My self-talk has easily become a partner to Satan's messages taking root in my inner life. When I have realized who's side my self-talk has been on, it has disgusted me and disturbed me. The fact that I have allowed Satan to take the steering wheel of my self-talk is nothing less than appalling.
The Bible says, "the tongue has the power of life and death." When it comes to our self-talk, nothing could be more true. Other people's words to us wouldn't have near the power if they weren't affirmed and super-sized by our own words to our self. What often haunts us about other people's words is the fear that they will show that our own words to our self are actually true. The problem often isn't in taking to heart what other people say, it's in taking to heart what we have already said to ourselves.
I am changing my self-talk to reflect what God would want me to say to me. This is not an easy task. Changing self-talk habits that have been formed since I was a child is not an overnight project. The Bible says, "take captive every thought." I am striving to do just that and take captive every message I speak to myself. I know it will be an all out battle royal, because self-talk is a kind of ground zero to the heart, it's where the battle is either won or lost.
4) I am living with more focus.
My God given mission is to... help people onto God's agenda for their life. This is the goal of all my energy, talents, and resources. This is where my mind is focused. People moving onto God's agenda is the focus. People affirming Chris, people liking Chris, people not liking Chris, people not affirming Chris is not the focus. I am dialed into pleasing God and being pleasing to God. Where I go astray, I trust God will get my attention and correct me in ways where I hear from Him and I know it, in part, because it is confirmed by my "they."
This does not mean, obviously, that relationships don't matter. No, it actually means that relationships matter all the more, but now for different reasons. Relationships matter because they are a crucial part of the purpose of my life, not because they determine the value, worth, or evaluation of my life. Big difference.
While there are many reasons why people become depressed, trying to attach it to a singular issue is to over simplify what is often a complex problem. As a matter of fact, most people become depressed when they find themselves emotionally tangled up in a web of issues to the point they feel they can't get loose. If it wasn't complicated, most people would easily work through the heavy emotions quickly and depression wouldn't be so prevalent and debilitating.
In my 14 years of spiritual counseling, I have found that most people suffering from non-clinical depression struggle mostly from deep feelings of being trapped and hopeless. Furthermore, the thought patterns and circumstances that lead to these feelings are often painful and tiring... spiritually, emotionally or even physically. Depression often happens when your emotional muscles simply get tired and strained without the needed periods of relief and recovery due to overwhelming spiritual, emotional, or physical issues.
If you or somebody you know may be depressed, here are some thoughts to guide you towards healing.
1) Look for signs that show that things at a critical level needing urgent, professional help.
Some signs are... Suicidal thoughts, continual sleeping and or weeping over long periods, abusive behavior, continual withdrawing behavior, periods of strong mood swings, atypical
irrational/impulsive behavior.
If any of these signs (especially suicide) are present, seek professional help asap.
1-800-SUICIDE (1-800-784-2433)
2) Seek awareness.
Obviously, distinguishing between levels of depression is difficult. Depression at any level is unpleasant at best and needs to be taken seriously. Furthermore, depression is often nearly impossible to work through without some sort of outside support. So first, admit to yourself or help the other person admit that they are going through some level of depression. Awareness of depression in yourself or in others is vital to recovery.
Depression at the beginning stages often has the following characteristics, just at lessor levels than clinical stages of depression... fatigue, muscle pain, hopelessness, anxiety, guilt, discouragement, overwhelming thoughts, compulsive behavior, irrational fears, sleeplessness, anxiety attacks, impulsive behaviors and/or mood swings.
Obviously, we all have these emotions and events from time to time, the difference with depression is the duration, frequency, and intensity of these emotions and events.
Jesus says, "...the truth will set you free." Getting to the truth about your own emotional health or helping another to do the the same is a vital step in getting past depression.
3) Get the right support.
Never underestimate the power of prayer. Pray for and with the person, and if it's you who is depressed ...cry out to God.
The Bible says, "The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit" PSALM 34:18
"Evening, morning and noon I cry out in distress, and he hears my voice." Psalm 55:17
In the Psalms, at times you see David in what could be easily diagnosed as a "depressed" state. Just read through Psalm 77 sometime and you will be thinking..."now that is one depressed dude." It's comforting to know that the same guy God says is "a man after My own heart" also struggled with some depression from time to time. But what does David do? Watch episodes of Oprah with a carton of Ben and Jerry's? Nope, he cries out to God.
Most people, during depression, move away from their relationship with God and the spiritual issues in their life. Yet, the most important aspect of recovery from non-clinical depression rests within your relationship with God. If you solicit the counsel of pop psychology, you will quickly find out that it can only take you so far. It may be able to help you deal with surface issues of the mind and heart, but it doesn't have the ability to deal with the soul, which is where real, lasting healing to depression begins. Yes, I am a pastor, and so you would expect me to say that. However, I base this conviction not on a religious ideology, but on true life, personal experience.
Here's the truth, until you apply the healing power of God in Jesus Christ to your deepest hurts and struggles, you are only band-aiding issues in your life. You may get to know your "inner child" better, but your "inner-child" didn't put your heart and soul together and therefore doesn't know how to repair you when depression breaks you down. Only God put you together in the first place, only God knows how to put you back together.
Bottom line, open up the communication lines between you and God, be as honest with Him as you can as often as you can, and seek out a mature Christian who is wise in the ways of God to give you support and guidance... and maybe even a good Christian counselor or psychiatrist. With everyday depression, get the right support applied sooner than later. What is manageable today, can quickly snowball tomorrow.
And, if you are taking any medications, do not stop unless instructed by your medical professional.
3) Win the battle of the mind.
As you deal with the soul and heart in your own life or in helping another through depression, don't forget to bring tons of support to the mind. One of the troubling aspects of depression is how it can mess with your head and your thought life. People who battle with depression often have a reduced capacity to clearly and accurately deal with their thoughts.
Furthermore, before you ever have an emotion, you first have a thought. Thoughts actually precede emotions, emotions then lead to behaviors, behaviors lead to attitudes, and attitudes lead to convictions.
It just makes sense, if you are going to battle non-clinical depression, getting to the root is your best chance. Our thought life is an important root in depression. Yes, there are a lot of biochemical and physical issues that relate to depression. We don't want to miss or minimize that. The more depression becomes clinical, the more the body becomes a factor. Yet, for the everyday variety of depression, winning the battle of the mind is critical.
I can't tell you how many people who I have counseled with mild to medium depression who's thought life was much more a part of the problem than it was a solution. The conclusions and convictions we make up in our minds prior to or when we are depressed are often irrational, unfounded, and extremely negative.
The Bible says, "set your mind on things that are above." If you want to get out of the pit of non-clinical depression, changing the altitude of your thoughts will be a powerful tool.
This is in no way an easy task, it takes intentional work on your part and help from people wise in the ways of God. Get yourself around positive, wise people, who have your best interests at heart. Depression isn't helped by being around depressing people who like you being depressed. Get a good devotional book of the Bible. Find some passages that speak to your heart and then start speaking them to yourself. Changing your self- talk will do wonders for recovering from depression. Change your self-talk and change your life. God spoke all of life into being, it's amazing what you can speak into being in your life through God-inspired self talk.
4) Deal with the spiritual
No one is depression proof, but we can be depression resistant. The best time to win the battle over depression is before it gets a chance to take root.
Ephesians 6 (spiritual armor) gives us a great model of how we need to battle depression when it happens and keep it from occurring in the first place.
However, first and foremost, we need to realize that depression, like all things, requires a spiritual solution. Furthermore, there can be no spiritual solution without having a relationship with God. If you don't have a personal relationship with God through Jesus Christ, I plead with you to get right with God this very moment. You aren't signing up for a religion, you are embracing a relationship. Turn away from the sin in your life and put your faith and trust in Him. Everybody has sin, not everybody has accepted the solution, Jesus Christ. The moment you ask Jesus to forgive you and you open your life and heart to Him, He will give you the Holy Spirit. Without the Holy Spirit, we are hopeless to truly deal with things like depression in our lives. It's that simple.
“God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks to us in our conscience, but shouts in our pains: It is His megaphone to rouse a deaf world” -C.S. Lewis
Maybe your depression, or your friend's depression, is God's way of calling you or your friend back to Him in a way that you or your friend will finally listen to? God is after every person's heart, including yours!
Now back to the model in Ephesians 6. Want your depression to get better?
1) Helmet- Protect your thought life, think about things above. Get your mind into the counsel of God, the Bible. Take your thoughts captive, discern them, and don't let the bad ones in.
2) Breast Plate - Protect your heart. Do your best to not be ruled by your emotions in life. Know in your heart that you are loved by God and that you don't need to measure up to anybody or anything else. If you are guilty of some sin, confess it to God and repent. Allow God to forgive you and remove the guilt. Don't try to medicate your emotions, rather, dedicate your emotions by turning them over to God.
3) Belt- Stay balanced. Exercise and eat right. Live in moderation. Try to keep your emotions in check. Make sure you are making decisions and conclusions based on truth. If you have fears, find out what reality is. If you feel hopeless, make sure there isn't a "way out" that you haven't thought of. Hang around balanced, healthy people. Get your life centered around Jesus Christ and His desires and purposes for your life.
4) Shoes Stay active. Staying at home with the blinds closed simply throws in the white towel to depression. Start living to give your life away to God and others. Get off the couch and stop feeling sorry for yourself, you aren't the only one with problems. It's amazing how depression clears when you start to take the focus off yourself. Some of the most depressed people are also the most self-centered. Live a life looking for things to be thankful for. Happiness isn't getting what you want, it's wanting what you already have.
5) Shield Defend yourself from loosing hope, embracing false guilt, and giving up. With God, there is always hope, nothing is hopeless. And even if you have failed in life, you are not a failure, not in God's eyes. So never give up! Pick up the shield of faith, and at the very least, hold fast to your position in Christ. Move forwards, you can't move forwards by looking in the rear view mirror all the time. Make peace with God, yourself, and others and then, move on!
6) Sword Don't just tell God how you feel, tell Satan. Use the Word of God (Bible) to reject whatever Satan may be trying to accomplish through depression. It can be easy as saying what Jesus said, "Satan, get behind me." The enemy isn't really depression, it's the evil forces behind the depression. Determine that you and God are not going to let depression win the day nor rule life.
Finally, in all of this, take it one day at a time. And as you do, seek God's counsel and Godly counsel.
If I can be of any help, you can reach me at 704-754-3914 or ckratzer@ymail.com
Top 5 Spiritual Lessons learned in 2008
(in no particular order)
1. There are no small platforms given by God
2. God is love, and resting in God's love is the cure to worry and fear
3. Repentance is a powerful key to relationships
4. Contemporary ministry is where I am called and where I belong
5. Ministry changes lives more than I realize
Whatever the case may be, chances are, we all have been in what are a called a "high maintenance" relationship. Typically, we find ourselves in "high maintenance" relationships with people who are perfectionists, insecure, controlling, irresponsible, victimizers, or overly negative.
Unfortunately, sometimes we can be in a "high maintenance" relationship with a person and not realize it. Overtime, the weight, burden, and pressures of the relationship increase without us realizing the moment when they crossed the line from being healthy to unhealthy. Only when the relationship ends and we disconnect do we wake up and see the reality that the relationship had evolved into a "high maintenance" fiasco.
I have had friendships over the years that have ended and yes, I was disappointed, hurt, and had to grieve the loss. These are typical emotions to the ending of any friendship or relationship that you invested any worth in. Yet, in some cases, what I did not expect was the additional giddy feeling of release that came with the closure of the friendship. I was surprised to feel like an unhealthy burden had been released, and a never ending pressure had finally ended.
Could it actually be that I was in a "high maintenance" relationship and didn't realize it? I believe so.
In those friendships, after I stepped back and gained perspective, I typically realized that with the person involved, deep down I felt a constant pressure to live up to their voiced and unvoiced expectations. With some people, you just get a sense that your best efforts are just never going to measure up. I remember with one person, with every move forward there was the disappointment that things hadn't progressed more. And worst of all, I had the sense that no matter how I handled their disappointments or mine with the relationship or each other's performance, I was always going to be made to be at blame or at fault. At times, I got the real sense that no matter how I handled issues in the relationship or otherwise, there was a trap waiting to be sprung, and Chris Kratzer was going to be the catch of the day.
The Bible calls us to love one another, to consider others better than ourselves, carry each other's burdens, and to live at peace with one another. Yet, other passages (and some of the same ones) let us clearly know that we are to set healthy boundaries, seek God's approval more than people's, not become enablers, flee from evil, and seek God's desires and worship Him above all.
Romans 12:8 reads... "If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone." With the words "if it is possible" Paul acknowledges the reality, "as hard as you try, it isn't going to always be possible to be able to please everybody and live up to the expectations 'high maintenance' people can lay before you, nor should you."
In Galatians 6:2, 5 first Paul says... "Carry each other's burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ." but then in verse 5 he says... "for each one should carry his own load."
The simple idea (reflected in the greek words for "burden" and "load") is that we have an obligation to help people who genuinely have more than they can truly handle. Yet, by God's design, people need to learn to take responsibility for the areas in their life they alone are responsible for and are capable of doing so. God created us with a lot of responsibilities... areas where we alone have the "ability-to-respond" to issues, needs, challenges, choices, etc. in our life.
The problem with "high maintenance" relationships is that the person often uses guilt with great expertise in order to entice you into carrying what is actually not a genuine burden but rather their own load, which they are actually capable of being responsible for but choose not to be.
Well intentioned people sometimes have a desire to "rescue" people. In certain circumstances where a "high maintenance" type personality is involved, I wonder if God isn't yelling from above "Stop trying to rescue them, I have them broken for a reason and if you run interference, they will never learn to carry their own load and discover the freedom of learning to pull their own wagon (so to speak)" Many "High maintenance" personalities have an unwritten sign "Rescue me from what I can actually solve myself and need to solve myself" if you are willing to see it instead of rushing in and giving your best try at being superman (0r woman) in order to appease your false guilt or stroke your ego.
In a world where some people are experts at playing the victim and outsourcing their life to become everybody else's responsibility, it's hard at times to discern a genuine burden from a person who just needs to suck it up and do the hard work of carrying their own load, as painful, inconvenient, emotionally difficult, and involved that might be. Sometimes a "high maintenance" person can't do it all, but additionally, they aren't even willing to do their part or do the hard work of moving towards being able to eventually "carry their own load." It's much more glamourous and self-gratifying to sweep in and "save the day" even if it winds up in enabling irresponsibility than it is to do the hard work of loving people enough to challenge and equip those who are receptive to "carry their own load."
The scriptures above, and many others like them, show us important principals that frame love in such away as to create the needed context in which all the aspects of a genuine, Christ-like loving relationship can occur. Unfortunately, a "high maintenance" relationship can squelch out the environment for a Christ-like relationship to occur as it bends, twists, and even removes healthy emotional, physical and spiritual boundaries. Both the person who is "high maintenance" and the person who allows for that aspect to enter into the relationship are at fault.
In my circumstance, with some of the friendships I have had, I should have never allowed myself to buy into the pursuit of trying to please and appease a perfectionist, controlling personality or feel that in some way I should be able to. Bringing people close to you who are seemingly never satisfied, demanding, overly negative, victimizers, or are over-enthralled with their own ways can be a formula for an extended stay at "High Maintenance Hotel" where you can check in, but there is a sense you may never be able to leave.
We need to love people, but never above our love of God and His desires, and sometimes that love requires us to painfully let people or challenge people to have to learn to "carry their own load." Or, in my case, it means getting off the impossible/burdensome tread mill of trying to fulfill expectations and standards imposed by a person, not God.
Perfectionist, controlling, overly negative, victimizing, insecure personalities tempt us to hop onto the never ending tread mill of trying to carry and satisfy the impossible burden of their expectations, demands, needs, and problems, many of which have solutions that only they can embrace and expectations and standards that only they have imposed on your life, not God.
Setting the boundaries and keeping the balance is key 1) discern and help carry genuine burdens as best you can, discern and love enough to allow or challenge others to carry their own load. 2) Meet the expectations and strive for the standards God imposes, not ones imposed by others in their relationship with you.
So, as for me, I am doing my best to check out of the "High Maintenance Hotel" I find myself in from time to time with certain kind of relationships. I hope you will too. Because when we do, we will gain the perspective and the context to better know how to love in ways that truly work in people's best interest, God's, and ours.
Let it be said loud and clear, there is a very critical time and place for "testing the spirits" and "correcting a brother in the faith" etc. Now, more than ever, this is an important facet of our faith and more people need to be discerning, period! And yes, there is always an important place in Christendom for the prophetic voice. It is very much needed! There is enough false doctrine and deceptive teachings out there that require that we all must be on guard.
However, more and more are making an idol and public profession out of this responsibility. And why not. People love to hear people slamming other people. People love to hear other people argue and try to win their ideology/theology over another. It gets bloggers to read your blog, listeners to listen to your show and subscribers to subscribe to your emails. Furthermore, and maybe most of all, it appeals to the flesh. Which, is why this trend is so disturbing and why I am making sure if I was ever on the train, I am getting off and never getting back on.
For some time, I have supported the ministry of "Way of the Master" and listened to their radio program online. But then when I stepped back and surveyed what I was allowing into my ears and mind, I realized that a large portion of their radio show focuses on criticizing other ministers and ministries, sometimes with a spirit of pride and enjoyment. When I looked at passages like Matthew 18 and others which teach us how to handle conflict, disagreements, and correction, I realized in all those passages there is a very important personal, one-on-one, gentle element that is very lacking in today's method's of correction, disagreement, and conflict management. To my knowledge, I have never heard the Way of the Master radio program (and others like it) have personal, one-on-one conversations with any of the ministers and ministries they openly and aggressively criticize on public airways and online. I know of this concern being personally/privately expressed to their host with no reply being given.
Much of what I see in the area of criticism between Christian professionals and ministries stems out of a selfish desire to carve out a niche for yourself/ministry and then create a need to buy into you or your ministry because of how the other person/ministry/theology is wrong or misguided.
Yet, when I read the writing of Paul and others in scripture I get a sense of God's counsel that lets believers and non-believers know 1) they need to be very careful in what they believe and teach 2) conflict, disagreements, correction are to be done first and foremost in private, with gentleness and humility so as to have the best chance of being holy and productive 3) there are a lot of issues among believers that are simply stupid and useless to argue, criticize, and debate about for the purpose of winning and fault finding. 4) when it comes to what to debate, go to the wall for, and correct at all costs, it is the large, central themes of Jesus being Lord and Savior that are to be the focal point. When Paul could have had a moment to be very critical of people who preached Christ out of selfish motives, he didn't, but rather celebrated that they were preaching Christ at all.
Are there serious issues that need to be debated and refuted within Christianity today? Absolutely! Yet, much more commonly, there are many more issues where we should be like Paul and celebrate what points and leads to Christ over what could be criticized.
Yes, there are many issues that are critical in the faith, but when they become arrows to shoot at each other, they move from being issues alone, to becoming people with serious, spiritual issues. I think many Christian professionals and ministries would do well to start majoring on what are truly majors and minoring on the minors, and most of all, focus on your calling and stop publicly and maliciously criticizing everybody else's, especially when you are too lazy and selfish to handle and correct things privately first.
There may be no better window into a person's leadership ability and true values than their self- leadership. Self-leadership can't be faked, scripted, or even disputed. It is what it is or what it isn't. Yes, it can be improved, but that improvement can't be fabricated. Self-leadership is the litmus test for all other leadership. You will never lead others any better or in any other overall direction than how you lead yourself. Furthermore, the way and direction in which you lead or don't lead yourself will be duplicated in your leadership of others.
With that in mind, simply think about the self-leadership of both candidates. What has been the motivation of their self-leadership? How has each candidate had to make excuses during their campaigns for issues that boil down to a lack of self-leadership or poor self-leadership in the past? Has either candidate said one thing, but then when you look at their self-leadership, their actions show otherwise? Is there a pattern?
One of the easiest indicators of self leadership is found in a person's friendships, associations, and affiliations. Friendships, associations, and affiliations only happen through choice, often repeated, calculated choice. As a matter of fact, they are pretty much impossible without repeated, willing choice. So, if you are not leading yourself away from negative friendships, associations, or affiliations it is either because you have poor self-leadership abilities or because you have no issue with your alignment with such friendships, associations, or affiliations.
The implications and signs of self-leadership or the lack of self-leadership are everywhere and plain to see. And when it comes to discerning decisions that involve leadership, future behavior, and character, it may be one of the most telling points of evaluation one can find.
So, whether you are casting your vote for the next president, or the person who will be your spouse, or who will babysit your kids, their self leadership ought to be one of the top issues you explore, it can't be faked, scripted, or even disputed... it is what it is or what it isn't. Furthermore, looking to their friendships, associations, and affiliations will likely give key insights into their values and self-leadership. It's certainly a good place to start.
What I haven't heard as of yet is the kind of answer I would give to these two questions...
How could this happen? It's simple... greed, selfishness, and dishonesty. The real problem with the financial crisis has little to do with money, but the condition of people's hearts. It is symptom of a much deeper problem, not financial mismanagement, but heart and soul mismanagement. This is in fact, a spiritual problem that requires much more than a fiscal solution.
With so many weighing in with their own opinions, here is a couple plugs from God's counsel...
"Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. 20But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. 21For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also." Matthew 6:19-21
"For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil. Some people, eager for money, have wandered from the faith and pierced themselves with many griefs." 1 Timothy 6:10
Both these passages show the relationship between money and the heart, money problems often indicate a more serious heart problem. Notice, it's not money itself that is the problem, it's the heart's attitude towards it that can become problematic. When a person, church, or a country as money problem, you can be sure that there is a very good chance that before they had a money problem they had a heart problem.
What is the heart problem behind the current financial crisis? At the very root, it's sin; a sinful heart unyielded to the Lordship of Jesus Christ that leads to greed, selfishness, and dishonesty. You add in the gasoline of money, and boom, financial explosion.
How can this be solved?
Not ultimately by throwing money at it, that may band-aid it, but it won't do the heart work needed to rebuild the trust, Godly character, and motives needed to handle the power of money individually or nationally and get things running well for the long term.
Our first instincts are to solve money problems with more money, but that doesn't ultimately work because the real problem isn't money, it's the hearts of people enticed by greed, selfish ambition, and deception.
The only thing that will ultimately solve this problem is when people turn to Jesus, repent of their sin, and apply God's counsel to their lives and living, especially as it relates to money. If consumers followed God's counsel for handling money by tithing 10%, saving 10%, and then living within the means of only the remaining 80% (without borrowing beyond your ability to pay) and if financial leaders followed God's simple counsel to put other people's interests before their own and to never mislead another, much of the crisis would have been averted before it started. See Proverbs 3:9, Malachi 3:8-10, Proverbs 21:20, Proverbs 22:7, Philippians 2:4, Romans 16:18)
This crisis is a perfect example of the consequences of personal and organizational sin whose remedy requires the only solution to sin, Jesus Christ and His Word.
Looking forward to your thoughts...
Obviously, I am not Catholic, nor do I agree with their theology and practice on many levels, but I have to tip my hat to them for this powerful video which should speak to every Christian, not just Catholics. If for every time the video uses the word "Catholic(s)" you substituted in the word "Christian(s)" you will be sure and get the point of this post!
What does prayer mean to you?
Why do you think most people put prayer on the back burner?
What would make you value prayer more?
Looking forward to hearing your comments...
Deep thought... "A healthy fear of God leads to having the courage to face every and any other fear"
Blessings,
Chris
Here's a few words of counsel when you find yourself holding on by the threads...
1) Consider that what appear in life to be "setbacks" are often "setups" from God
Sometimes when we feel backed in a corner with no way out, the situation can be daunting and very intimidating. So naturally, we first think of it as a negative, not a positive. We imagine the worst possible outcomes and conclude that life is unfair and the situation will never turn out for the good. However, what we may not immediately realize is that God is trying to correct our path or even set us up for an entirely new course, and if He didn't force the issue, we would have never considered nor traveled down the path of His desires for us.
Consider that maybe God is testing your faith, or drawing you closer to him so that He can move you to a new chapter in your life. Or, maybe God is protecting you from greater harm or disappointment. Maybe God is positioning you to impact and influence people whom you never would or could have if He didn't allow the situation you are in to come to pass.
Or, maybe just maybe, God is simply giving you a real, true-to-life story to tell of God's faithfulness as He leads you, walks with you, and takes you from tremendous difficulty to tremendous triumph.
Instead of seeing your circumstance as a sure "setback" try asking God to show you what He is trying to "setup" for your life and future through the challenging circumstance you are in. You might just be amazed at what He shows you.
For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11
2) Wait on the Lord
Typically, when it feels like we have been left hung out to dry in life, our first impulse is try to quickly get away from the pain, solve the problem, make a decision, move things ahead somehow, or find a way out. The problem is, those impulses are often emotionally driven and impulsive. Who could blame us? We are hurt, spent, tired, disillusioned and the list goes on and on. But that's all the more reason to "wait on the Lord." When we find ourselves feeling hopelessly trapped in a dead end, we aren't usually as stable and sober in our thinking and judgement. And most of all, waiting is the last thing we want to do. But waiting, is actually one of the most important things we should do. The times when life throws us a curve ball and the unexpected happens are some of the times when we are the most vulnerable and apt to take a mistake and make into a bigger mistake, or a difficult situation and make it into an even more difficult situation. The scheme-artist Satan would love to do nothing more than exploit you and your situation.
Waiting on the Lord doesn't mean you do absolutely nothing, but it does mean that you make every effort to take each step with the clear leading and nudges of God, and not before. Remember, God is very likely setting up something, but if you rush ahead, you'll miss it. You never know what God is up too, and the last thing you want to do is to give up too soon. Is there a time to "give up?" Is there a time when you may realize, God is closing one door and opening up another? Sure. But if you don't wait on the Lord, you will never know what was His will as compared to what was merely you getting quick in the saddle and moving before God blows the whistle. Unfortunately, the only thing that can come as a result of that is found in one word you should do everything you can to avoid experiencing... regret.
If you wait on God, he will show you, lead you, and nudge into His purposes and plans. Waiting on God assures that you don't get ahead or behind what God has been working towards all along.
Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD. Psalm 27:14
3) Remember, when you reach the dead end, you are actually closer to deliverance than you have ever been before.
It's hard to see, it's hard to believe, it's hard to feel, but it is absolutely true! When you are at a dead end, you are actually closer to the possibility of things truly moving forward and new doors opening up than ever before. Like a doctor will tell you, sometimes a fractured bone needs be completely broken before it can be healed. And furthermore, when it does heal, it will then be stronger than ever before. Sometimes God has to bring us to our knees before we are willing to wake up and seek His will and wisdom for our life. In a sense, he has to break us so that we can be truly healed.
Dead ends have a way of opening us up to real life, the life only God can give us. Dead ends have a way of showing us how much we need God and His supernatural power. We often think we are the masters of our own universe and that we don't need anybody but our own smart selves. Dead ends shows us how desperate, insufficient, and in need of God we really are.
God-given deliverance never comes without coming first to a God-planned dead end. Dead ends have a great way of showing us where we end and God must begin if things are to ever truly move forward towards healing and wholeness. Unfortunately, many come to a dead end only to give up too soon, or never turn to God to be and do for them all the things in their life that they can't and never will be able to on their own. What happens? They never graduate.
Think of every dead end in your life as a classroom from God where most of the time, the ticket to graduate is turning to God in faith and faithfulness at a level you have never before. If you never turn to God in faith God will allow you to either turn away from Him or keep bumping your head into the wall. With God's classrooms, there is only one grade, "pass." And he will allow you to stay in that classroom until you do.
Sometimes God uses dead ends to press you towards repentance (turning to God for forgiveness and salvation, and turning away from sin). Other times he uses them to press you towards faith and trust in Him. The bottom line is, what God might be trying deliver in your life is a bucket load of forgiveness, hope, healing, salvation, supernatural blessings, and the list goes on and on. But God can't deliver what you don't desire and turn to Him for in your life. If you feel like you have been in a dead end and nothing is moving forward, it isn't because God doesn't desire to deliver you through it, it maybe that you haven't sought out His deliverance because you want it, realize you need it, and know you can't truly move forward without it.
The Bible says that without faith we can't please God, dead ends have a way of pressing us towards faith and dependance on God. So often we think we can deliver everything our lives need for fulfillment, peace, and happiness, and wholeness. Dead ends teach us that only God can deliver what we really need and long for in life.
I sought the LORD, and he answered me; he delivered me from all my fears. Psalm 34:4
4) Listen closely for God, and if He is silent, it may be because He wants you to learn to trust what He has already said or shown you.
The Bible counsels us that in times of crisis, we need to "Be still." Listening closely for God is one of the most important things to do when you get the end of a rope and it feels like there is no way out. Yet at the same time, it will be harder and take longer to hear God if you haven't been in a good habit of listening to God prior to when you ran into a dead end. That is not to discourage you, but to say that listening to God before the storm comes reaps a lot of benefits for your life when a storm finally does come. As a matter of fact, I have found that God will prepare me and even warn me of rough waters ahead if I am willing to listen to him when the skies are clear and the sun is shining.
If at first, you don't sense you are hearing from God, be patient. Yet, God may remain silent. Why? There are several reasons, you could have an unconfessed sin mudding up your connection with God, you can be too busy and scattered in your life to hear Him, etc. But one reason may be is that God has already spoken into your life what you need to hear from Him and you need to simply trust in what He has already said or revealed to you. God isn't opposed to repeating Himself, but sometimes His silence is a message to you that you haven't been listening.
Whatever you do, make sure you take time to slow down, be still, and listen to God. In the passage below, Elijah didn't hear God until he was willing to listen.
11 The LORD said, "Go out and stand on the mountain in the presence of the LORD, for the LORD is about to pass by." Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the LORD, but the LORD was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the LORD was not in the earthquake. 12 After the earthquake came a fire, but the LORD was not in the fire. And after the fire came a gentle whisper. 13 When Elijah heard it, he pulled his cloak over his face and went out and stood at the mouth of the cave. 1 Kings 9:11-12
5) Seek out counsel not advice
Anybody can give an opinion from their best take on a situation, but not everybody can give good counsel. Advice comes from the opinions of people, counsel comes from the wisdom of God. When you come to a dead-end level situation, you are going to want expert counsel from the expert of life, God. God created you, He knows His plans for you, and He knows you better than you know yourself. If there is any wisdom you should seek out, it should first and foremost be God's wisdom. Where do you find that? Two primary places... 1) God's Word (The Bible) 2) People who are wise in the ways of God
If you don't have one, get a good study Bible and some Christian books on the subject of your dead end. Read your Bible everyday and apply what you read. If I can understand it and make sense out of it, trust me, you can too. If you don't go to Church, find a healthy, Bible believing and teaching Church that suits your personal preferences. Finally, seek out the counsel of Christian, faithful people who love the Lord and believe in the Bible as the absolute truth.
There isn't a more important time to avoid advice and seek Godly counsel then when you reach the end of the rope and you are clueless as to what to think, feel, and do.
Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light for my path Psalm 119:105
6) Present yourself totally available to any direction God might desire to take you, then watch for what God is anointing and what God is closing down.
Sometimes, even in the desperation of a dead end, we can have our own preconceived, stubborn ideas as to what direction our lives should go. There is nothing wrong with that unless of course it keeps you from allowing God to overhaul, change your plans, rework you expectations, or redirect your life completely.
Behind every dead end is an opportunity to take a time-out with God and reevaluate where things are going in your life. It's a great chance to present yourself to God as an open canvass upon which God can erase, redraw, and repaint whatever He desires for you future. Though this may sound like a bit of a frightening proposition, it really is a win, win. God will confirm what is headed down the right path and gently correct what needs better alignment with His will. Regardless of what God does, you can trust and know for sure that it will be for your ultimate good.
As you completely open up you life for evaluation and possible renovation, start looking for what things God is blessing and what He is closing down in your life. From bringing into your life new friends and closing down old relationships, to giving you new passions and desires and shutting down old ones, follow the path God lays before you of closed doors and open ones. It may not be the easiest thing to do, but you will be blessed as you take on new God-dimensions for your life.
Soak me in your laundry and I'll come out clean,
scrub me and I'll have a snow-white life.
Tune me into foot-tapping songs,
set these once-broken bones to dancing.
Don't look too close for blemishes,
give me a clean bill of health.
God, make a fresh start in me,
shape a Genesis week from the chaos of my life.
Don't throw me out with the trash,
or fail to breathe holiness in me.
Bring me back from gray exile,
put a fresh wind in my sails!
Give me a job teaching rebels your ways
so the lost can find their way home.
Commute my death sentence, God, my salvation God,
and I'll sing anthems to your life-giving ways.
Unbutton my lips, dear God;
I'll let loose with your praise.
Tune me into foot-tapping songs,
set these once-broken bones to dancing.
Don't look too close for blemishes,
give me a clean bill of health.
God, make a fresh start in me,
shape a Genesis week from the chaos of my life.
Don't throw me out with the trash,
or fail to breathe holiness in me.
Bring me back from gray exile,
put a fresh wind in my sails!
Give me a job teaching rebels your ways
so the lost can find their way home.
Commute my death sentence, God, my salvation God,
and I'll sing anthems to your life-giving ways.
Unbutton my lips, dear God;
I'll let loose with your praise.
Psalm 51:7-15 (The Message Translation)
7) Finally, walk by faith, not by sight.
God doesn't allow you to get to the end of the rope for you to spend the rest of your life there. It may feel that way, but it is not the case.
At some point, after you have done what is listed above, God is going to nudge you to move forward in faith. You will know it when it happens. It won't be exactly clear what the future is going to bring, but that is why it requires faith. God will give you enough to follow and yet leave enough undisclosed so that you can do so in faith. That way, God gets all the glory.
God will go with you, but He won't go for you. At some point, you are going to have to pick up and move on towards God and His will for your life. And if at first, you are a bit off course of His perfect will, He will gently correct your path, so don't feel like every decision you make is do or die. The first step is the hardest, but once you get going, God will direct you and steer you into His purposes and plans for you as long as you keep the connection lines wide open between you and God and seek to honor and please Him in all the you are and do.
Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see. Hebrews 11:1
+ That my heart, life and living pleases the Lord
+ For the salvation of souls
+ That my marriage and family honors God and that I am a blessing of God's love to my wife and children
+ That my son Harrison and daughter Cailyn become all for which God created them
+ That Eternity Church and its people remain committed and focus on Godly character and purposes.
I call on you, O God, for you will answer me; give ear to me and hear my prayer. Psalm 17:6
The other day, Harrison and I, along with Amy and Cailyn were at the Mall. Lately, I have been taking "Million-dollar bills" with me to give to people or just place on the ground for people to pick up. Each Million-dollar bill has a effective Gospel message. In the past, I have never been a fan of cheesy Gospel tracts, but the ones I have found, are nothing like that. This time, along with Million-dollar bills, we took along some other cool tracts to test out. One looks exactly like a wallet that you drop on the ground, but when the person picks it up they open it to read about the saving message and work of Jesus Christ.For the past few months, my son has watched me pass out tracts and share the Gospel with people in the "way of the master" style. But this time, at the mall, Harrison wanted to step up to the plate and get in on the fun.
While at the mall, Harrison not only strategically starting placing Million-dollar bills around for people to pick up, he started going to people, face to face, and giving them a Million-dollar bill saying, "Would you like a million-dollar bill." He was so excited to see who would respond and how they would respond. After one occasion, Harrison said, "It is so cool to think that I could have helped save a person's life, this is the best trip to the mall ever."
Not only is the Gospel so simple a child can understand it, it is so simple, a child can share it. If Harrison can understand it, AND share it, you can too!
Personally, as I have zeroed in on the Gospel with more clarity and conviction than ever, Satan has attacked me spiritually by trying to get me to doubt God, my walk with the Lord, and the very Gospel itself.
Thanks to God's supernatural protection, my devotion life, and the Godly wisdom of some mentors, what Satan attempted in order to render me ineffective in building the kingdom, God has used to further my determination and equip me with a deeper sense of the battle at hand and the armor needed in the fight.
I share this to encourage you to be on the alert in your own life. If you are passionate about the Gospel (God's gracious, undeserved and unaattainable offer of salvation for all, received by those who repent and put their faith in trust in the saving work of Jesus Christ on the cross) then you need to be on high alert as Satan will be (is) after you big time.
Mark my words, in the near future, I would not be surprised to hear of discoveries or claims that serve in part, to diminish or even defeat God and His Truth. From recent declarations that "Aliens" are real and therefore Christianity is false, to people suing over the assertions of sin in the Bible, be on guard against every kind of deception that would lead you astray from God and his saving Gospel.
From Ephesians 6, check it out...
10Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. 11Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes. 12For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. 13Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. 14Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, 15and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. 16In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. 17Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. 18And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints.
19Pray also for me, that whenever I open my mouth, words may be given me so that I will fearlessly make known the mystery of the gospel, 20for which I am an ambassador in chains. Pray that I may declare it fearlessly, as I should.
Have any stories of spiritual battle for the sake of the Gospel? Comment below and share them!
Yet, lately, I have grown concerned with an elitist, arrogant vibe coming from many of the mover and shakers within the Reformed expression of the Church, John MacArthur being one. Until recently, I have not sensed this from Pastor MacArthur. So, what I share below is of surprise to me as what I know and have experienced of him has been humble and careful.
Of course, I am not the only one to pick up on this vibe. Even within the Reformed movement itself, there are those calling for a "humble orthodoxy." As with all errors of pride in the Christian world, many times they emerge from an idolization, mischaracterization, or exaggeration of some aspect of the nature of God. In this case, with some in the Reformed camp, there is growing pride and elitism that has come from a Calvinistic-flavored view that sees themselves as having the inside scoop on God's grace and sovereignty. And, if you just ascend to their intellectual heights, you too can one day have a seat at their table. That is, of course, if you are predestined to do so. Wink wink.
The problem in all this isn't in giving God all the glory, grace, and sovereignty when it comes to salvation or any other matter of faith. No clear thinking person of faith would take away from those scriptural truths. It is however, in my view, problematic when it paints man as being completely passive in salvation. This is simply not articulate of the whole counsel of God in scripture. At best, Calvinism must stop at the point where the working of God's sovereignty meets man's will and somehow connect. This is truly a mystery (secret thing) of God. But many Calvinists do not stop at the throne of God's grace and sovereignty and humble themselves before a God whose ways are beyond their intellect, but rather seemingly seek to assume a place on the throne through logic, reason, and their version of a systematic theology.
A Calvinist may declare the role of repentance in salvation but in the end their theology declares that if God elected you to go to heaven you will go regardless of anything that has anything to do with you. If you are repentant, you are so because God has overridden your will and willed that desire in you without your participation, consideration, or response.
This theology, in my view paints salvation with a passive stroke that is not characterized in scripture. For example...
"The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. He is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance." 2 Peter 3:9
"The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. He is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance." 2 Peter 3:9
Unfortunately, this theology has led some to adopt a passive view of the Christian life and a pious ego to go along with it. Yes, many a Calvinist are bold about evangelism, winning intellectual arguments, and looking down upon those who don't subscribe, but that is the extent of what they are becoming known for. This is not my opinion alone, but many from within even their own circles. I guess when you are of the elect, you think you have the inside scoop on it, and your view of God is essentially that nothing else really matters, than becoming a victim of spiritual pride is not only possible, it may just even be probable.
Need an example?
In a recent interview, John MacArthur suggested he doesn't care about whether or not Barack Obama wins the presidency. His argument was that this kind of issue is not of God's kingdom as he quoted Jesus, "My kingdom is not of this world." If that isn't a passive, flippant, pious response I don't know what is. Try telling that to all the babies who will be further allowed to be murdered through abortion under Obama's potential presidency. Perhaps he needs a visit to www.abort73.com to see for himself the disgusting manifestation of sin abortion truly is. John preaches the disgusting nature of sin, does it not disgust him enough to act in every biblical way possible? Didn't Jesus himself teach us to pray... "thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven." Isn't sin an issue of concern in God's Kingdom? Last time I checked, "thou shalt not murder" was still in God's word. Is not obedience to God's word important in God's kingdom? Why do the sacred scriptures speak of spiritual armor if there is not a battle worthy of the Christian in which he or she must engage in this world? Isn't God's Church a manifestation of God's Kingdom here on earth? Do not issues relating to God's Church matter to Jesus? Why evaluate the seven churches in Revelation as to their health and relationship with the world and worldliness if Jesus doesn't give a rip? If you don't think that elections don't have any bearing on God's Church, think again.
Oh, but it gets better as he (John MacArthur) later is asked about his views on the birth of America via the Revolutionary War. He suggests that America was born in sin as the founding fathers violated Romans 13. This is of course a false assertion, as the Revolutionary War was a biblical, just-war act of defense from the murderous, illegal, and oppressive acts of the leadership of England.
Here again, he asserts a passive view of the Christian life that suggests that Christians ought to just passively go about our lives and let government etc. have their sinful ways over and in our lives, all in the name of God's sovereignty and one proof-texting of Jesus' words. Which, by the way, were not politically directed as much as they were focused on articulating the importance and purpose of the cross. Of course Jesus going to the cross wasn't about keeping and maintaining the world "as is." The very words that MacAurthur uses to support passivity are actually cause to live our lives to do the "will of the father" during our earthly lives, as we His Church (set apart ones) are not called "out of the world" by Jesus, but rather to be salt and light "in" the world. See John 17
There is no one more supportive than me of John Arthur's criticisms of the social, postmodern, "emerging" version of the Gospel. There is no one more supportive of reclaiming a focus on sin and the power of the Gospel than me. There is no one who supports his desire for truth than me and believes he is a true man of God and a patriot. Yet, I am deeply concerned that what the pharisees did with the law, the Reformed movement is beginning to do with God's grace. The pharisees worshiped the law over and above the Lawgiver, I fear many in the Reformed camp are beginning to worship "grace and sovereignty" over and above the Grace-giver and Sovereign One himself.
Does a passiveness in salvation lead to a passiveness in life and a piousness in ego? You decide.
Follow up to McHomosexuality post:
From AFA (American Family Association)
Throwing out any pretense of being neutral in the culture war, McDonald's has taken up the rhetoric of gay activists, suggesting those who oppose same-sex marriage (SSM) are motivated by hate.
AFA has asked for a boycott of McDonald's restaurants because of the company’s promotion of the gay agenda. AFA asked McDonald’s to remain neutral in the culture war. McDonald’s refused.
In response to the boycott, McDonald's spokesman Bill Whitman suggested to the Washington Post that those who oppose SSM are motivated by hate, saying "...hatred has no place in our culture." McDonald's has decided to adopt the "hate" theme used by gay activist groups for years.
Whitman went on to say, "We stand by and support our people to live and work in a society free of discrimination and harassment." Mr. Whitman has intentionally avoided addressing the reason for the boycott. This boycott is not about hiring gays or how gay employees are treated. It is about McDonald's choosing to put the full weight of their corporation behind promoting their agenda.
McDonald's donated $20,000 to the National Gay and Lesbian Chamber of Commerce in exchange for membership and a seat on the group’s board of directors. The NGLCC lobbies Congress in support of same-sex marriage.
McDonald's CEO Jim Skinner said the company will promote issues they approve. "Being a socially responsible organization is a fundamental part of who we are. We have an obligation to use our size and resources to make a difference in the world...and we do."
So, evidently, now I can finally know what McDonald's thinks of me as a bible believing consumer... I am driven by "McHate" (what McDonald's thinks you have if you don't agree with SSM and feel that McDonald's is intentionally and proactively empowering the homosexual agenda). That's the discriminating label, how ironic. Obviously, most people in regards to this issue are not driven by hate, but by truth and Christian family values, if that makes me a "McHater" in the eyes of McDonald's, so be it.
Important Links:
Sign the online boycott petition: (link)
Contact your local McDonald's to share your feelings: (link)
McDonald's on youtube: (link)
Leave a comment for McDonald's (link)
This is my new, favorite voice in Christian music.
If you like this, check out this yearning, soul moving song... (link)
,
Is God’s Sovereignty Sovereign?
Thoughts on the Doctrine of Election and the surrounding debate.
I must admit, I am a bit of a newbie when it comes to the doctrine of election. In so being, I have researched the subject and looked at various views on the extreme debate that surrounds this doctrine. As John MacArthur suggests in a recent audio interview, it’s not the kind of doctrine that should be the cause for division or used to storm the gates of your church.
Yet, don’t tell that to many bloggers and writers (including MacArthur) of both the Reformed/Calvinist persuasion as well as those of the Armenian position, some of which, seem to even enjoy the battle. Nobody I researched disagrees that this can be a huge, highly debated issue among brethren in the faith. The Calvinist’s assert that those who disagree with their interpretation of election are prideful and don’t like a God who is completely sovereign, the Armenian say of the Calvinists that they have manipulated scripture and used God’s sovereignty as a tool to promote their own elitism. And to be sure, these arguments get heated, divisive, and personal.
I believe the context of the current state of church affairs within the Evangelical church is important when understanding the recent rise of publicity and interpretation this doctrine has gained with vigorous debate resulting. If there is one thing this doctrine emphasizes and brings to bare it is God’s sovereignty. The current landscape of the Church is filled with contemporary/postmodern movements and fads that have turned stage lighting, mood music, razzle-dazzle, cultural relevance, altruistic community service, inspiring messages and publicities stunts into the believed power of God unto salvation. This of course has moved man and his efforts to the central figure in God’s salvation work and the ultimate purposes of God’s church. Thus, subverting the power of God and the Gospel to a lesser position and priority.
In response, the most sovereign filled doctrine has been dusted off and brought to table to correct the man-centered movements of the modern church; that is, the doctrine of election.
Though there are varying interpretations, here first is the Calvinist’s position as described by Cooper P. Abrams, III in his article on the debate “Is Calvinism or Arminianism Biblical? A Biblical Explanation of the Doctrine of Election.”
Simply stated, Calvinism claims that God predestined or elected some people to be saved and others to be lost. Those elected to salvation are decreed by God to receive salvation and cannot resist God's grace. However, those that God elected to be lost are born eternally condemned to the Lake of Fire, with no hope of salvation.
I believe the context of the current state of church affairs within the Evangelical church is important when understanding the recent rise of publicity and interpretation this doctrine has gained with vigorous debate resulting. If there is one thing this doctrine emphasizes and brings to bare it is God’s sovereignty. The current landscape of the Church is filled with contemporary/postmodern movements and fads that have turned stage lighting, mood music, razzle-dazzle, cultural relevance, altruistic community service, inspiring messages and publicities stunts into the believed power of God unto salvation. This of course has moved man and his efforts to the central figure in God’s salvation work and the ultimate purposes of God’s church. Thus, subverting the power of God and the Gospel to a lesser position and priority.
In response, the most sovereign filled doctrine has been dusted off and brought to table to correct the man-centered movements of the modern church; that is, the doctrine of election.
Though there are varying interpretations, here first is the Calvinist’s position as described by Cooper P. Abrams, III in his article on the debate “Is Calvinism or Arminianism Biblical? A Biblical Explanation of the Doctrine of Election.”
Simply stated, Calvinism claims that God predestined or elected some people to be saved and others to be lost. Those elected to salvation are decreed by God to receive salvation and cannot resist God's grace. However, those that God elected to be lost are born eternally condemned to the Lake of Fire, with no hope of salvation.
Calvinists are divided into three groups: the extreme Hyper-Calvinist, the Five Point Calvinists and the Moderate Calvinists. The Hyper and Five Point Calvinists hold to the five points of Calvinism, shown in the acrostic below. The Moderate Calvinist may accept one or more of these five points, but not all. The Hyper, and Five Point Calvinist teaching of limited atonement is generally rejected by the Moderate Calvinist.
The controversy began between the Calvinist during the Reformation in the sixteenth century, and grew out of John Calvin's teaching that some men were predestined by God to receive salvation and others condemned to hell. Calvin taught those that God, in His sovereignty, chose to be saved will be saved by God's "irresistible grace" and cannot reject salvation. The remainder of humanity, not chosen by God to receive everlasting life, has no opportunity to be saved. According to the Hyper-Calvinist, God in the past decreed their damnation. Today this theology is known as Covenant or Reformed theology. This is taught by Presbyterian, Reformed, and a number of Baptists.
This teaching is referred to as Five Point Calvinism. The five points are represented by using the acrostic below:
T - Total depravity of man.
U - Unconditional election.
L - Limited atonement.
I - Irresistible grace.
P - Perseverance of the saints.
Basically, Calvinism teaches that a man is totally depraved, and unable to receive salvation. The Calvinist assumes that man's has no freedom in his coming to Christ and receiving salvation. He teaches that God, exercising His sovereignty, first elected and decreed certain individuals to salvation in time past. Christ's death was not for all people, but only for the elect. God then extended "irresistible" grace to those He elected.
It is important to note that some notables who are of the Calvinist belief do assert that there is both a sense of God’s sovereignty and man’s responsibility that combine in a kind of mystery that is beyond human ability to explain. Some assert that election does not shut the door on salvation for anyone, and does not destroy man’s free will. Therefore it is not election of salvation, but election unto salvation.
On the other side of the coin, Mr. Abrams in his same article goes onto explain the Armenian position on the doctrine of election.
Armenians presented the view that God was indeed sovereign and elected men to be saved. Arminius taught that election was based on God's foreknowledge of who would by faith accept Christ and who would reject Him. He taught all men could be saved if they exercised their wills and believed on the Lord Jesus Christ. He rejected the idea that atonement was limited to a few and that God was the author of sin. Arminius insisted that Christ died for all men and saves all who receive Him by faith. Arminius was doctrinally weak in the area of eternal security of the believer. Eternal security means that once a person is saved, he cannot lose his salvation. Arminius thought the Scriptures were unclear and seemed to teach believers could lose their salvation. Most, who identify themselves as Arminians, believe that a person can be saved and afterwards lose their salvation.
Just as those that followed John Calvin carried his teachings to extremes, many who succeeded James Arminius carried the matter a step further, teaching that man had a part in salvation. The Arminians, as they became known, teach that man took part with God in salvation. The natural conclusion of this was that salvation could be lost. If through man's efforts salvation is acquired, then through his actions salvation could be lost. The belief can be expressed this way; Christ made the down payment on our salvation on the cross, however, once a person is saved he has to keep up the payments through being faithful and with good works. This is a serious error because it bases salvation on the ability of a person to merit his salvation by his good works. The Bible condemns this false teaching: "For by grace are ye saved through faith; and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God: Not of works, lest any man should boast" (Eph. 2:8-9).
It should also be noted that there are those of the false conversion persuasion who have not truly repented of their sins, thus their faith has not been a saving faith. True conversion is not marked by moral perfection, but by forsaking one's sin and thus resulting in a lifestyle away from sin and vigorously pursuing righteousness.
Abram’s article serves a compelling writing that brings to light the notion that perhaps both the Calvinist’s and Armenians are both inaccurate at points in their assertions of the doctrine of election.
It is clear that the scriptures teach that God is 100% sovereign and yet humanity is 100% responsible. (See Article) Both are equally true. As a pastor friend of the Reformed tradition said to me “If a man goes to heaven, God gets all the glory, if a man goes to hell, he is fully responsible.” I even asked of this Pastor, can a man say to God, "I am not going to heaven not because I don’t want to, but because you didn’t want me to?” No. As Ernest C Reisinger states " Election does not prevent the salvation of any one who wants to be saved."
How these are both reconciled together can only be understood and accomplished by God himself, anyone who says they fully understands this is placing their sovereignty over God’s. Spurgeon’s solution was to model what Paul does in scripture, teach both side by side, and leave it to God to sort it out and bring them together.
Therefore, where the doctrine of election produces a sense of humble wonderment and the realization that we cannot fully know the mind of God, it is has been stewarded well. Where the doctrine of election gives hope to the greatest of sinners and humbles the proud, it has been stewarded well. Where it emboldens and brings confidence to our evangelistic efforts, it has been stewarded well. Where the doctrine of election corrects many movements within the Church that water-down the power and supremacy of the Gospel and God’s sovereignty, it has been well stewarded.
Yet, ironically, when either the Calvinist or the Armenian claim interpretation rights and righteousness, they too begin to do the very thing they object, they begin to reduce the sovereignty of God as they try to de-mystery that which God gifts us as mystery that God may be glorified, not just in the actions of the doctrine but the doctrine itself. They remove the sacredness of such a sacred doctrine as it itself testifies to a Holy God whose nature is so beyond ourselves with majesty and glory incomprehensible. Not just the action/ramifications of God’s doctrine of election are beyond our minds, but the doctrine itself. For one group to treat this or any doctrine as their own, is to go against the God revelation and divine ownership and authorship of scripture.
The bickering and fighting between the many sides of this doctrine and the pride of trying to find position above another must end. These efforts speak of nothing else than attempting to use this doctrine in ways that directly appose the reason it was inspired in God’s word, to bring glory to God and assert his glory by the scriptures themselves.
Where this doctrine causes us to emphasize one (100% God’s Sovereignty) over the other (100% Human Responsibility) or vice versa, or speak of these separately with out the other, it has been taken out of its proper context and thus removed of its purpose. The doctrine of election serves as a vivid reminder from God that salvation and the very nature and mind of God is beyond men, and beyond our ability to fully grasp so that God may glorified not so that either the Calvinists or the Armenians obtain the self glory of winning an argument. Only God will win this argument under the disappointment and dropped jaws of many a Armenian and Calvinist.
Indeed, this a time where the centrality of God’s sovereignty and the power of the Gospel must be reclaimed in God’s church. Yet, let us all make sure that, especially when it comes to this doctrine, we are not acting against the very thing we desire by stripping the sovereignty of God’s doctrine of election as we assert that which God, in this instance, has removed us from concluding; that is, the full understanding of His ways.
T - Total depravity of man.
U - Unconditional election.
L - Limited atonement.
I - Irresistible grace.
P - Perseverance of the saints.
Basically, Calvinism teaches that a man is totally depraved, and unable to receive salvation. The Calvinist assumes that man's has no freedom in his coming to Christ and receiving salvation. He teaches that God, exercising His sovereignty, first elected and decreed certain individuals to salvation in time past. Christ's death was not for all people, but only for the elect. God then extended "irresistible" grace to those He elected.
It is important to note that some notables who are of the Calvinist belief do assert that there is both a sense of God’s sovereignty and man’s responsibility that combine in a kind of mystery that is beyond human ability to explain. Some assert that election does not shut the door on salvation for anyone, and does not destroy man’s free will. Therefore it is not election of salvation, but election unto salvation.
On the other side of the coin, Mr. Abrams in his same article goes onto explain the Armenian position on the doctrine of election.
Armenians presented the view that God was indeed sovereign and elected men to be saved. Arminius taught that election was based on God's foreknowledge of who would by faith accept Christ and who would reject Him. He taught all men could be saved if they exercised their wills and believed on the Lord Jesus Christ. He rejected the idea that atonement was limited to a few and that God was the author of sin. Arminius insisted that Christ died for all men and saves all who receive Him by faith. Arminius was doctrinally weak in the area of eternal security of the believer. Eternal security means that once a person is saved, he cannot lose his salvation. Arminius thought the Scriptures were unclear and seemed to teach believers could lose their salvation. Most, who identify themselves as Arminians, believe that a person can be saved and afterwards lose their salvation.
Just as those that followed John Calvin carried his teachings to extremes, many who succeeded James Arminius carried the matter a step further, teaching that man had a part in salvation. The Arminians, as they became known, teach that man took part with God in salvation. The natural conclusion of this was that salvation could be lost. If through man's efforts salvation is acquired, then through his actions salvation could be lost. The belief can be expressed this way; Christ made the down payment on our salvation on the cross, however, once a person is saved he has to keep up the payments through being faithful and with good works. This is a serious error because it bases salvation on the ability of a person to merit his salvation by his good works. The Bible condemns this false teaching: "For by grace are ye saved through faith; and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God: Not of works, lest any man should boast" (Eph. 2:8-9).
It should also be noted that there are those of the false conversion persuasion who have not truly repented of their sins, thus their faith has not been a saving faith. True conversion is not marked by moral perfection, but by forsaking one's sin and thus resulting in a lifestyle away from sin and vigorously pursuing righteousness.
Abram’s article serves a compelling writing that brings to light the notion that perhaps both the Calvinist’s and Armenians are both inaccurate at points in their assertions of the doctrine of election.
It is clear that the scriptures teach that God is 100% sovereign and yet humanity is 100% responsible. (See Article) Both are equally true. As a pastor friend of the Reformed tradition said to me “If a man goes to heaven, God gets all the glory, if a man goes to hell, he is fully responsible.” I even asked of this Pastor, can a man say to God, "I am not going to heaven not because I don’t want to, but because you didn’t want me to?” No. As Ernest C Reisinger states " Election does not prevent the salvation of any one who wants to be saved."
How these are both reconciled together can only be understood and accomplished by God himself, anyone who says they fully understands this is placing their sovereignty over God’s. Spurgeon’s solution was to model what Paul does in scripture, teach both side by side, and leave it to God to sort it out and bring them together.
Therefore, where the doctrine of election produces a sense of humble wonderment and the realization that we cannot fully know the mind of God, it is has been stewarded well. Where the doctrine of election gives hope to the greatest of sinners and humbles the proud, it has been stewarded well. Where it emboldens and brings confidence to our evangelistic efforts, it has been stewarded well. Where the doctrine of election corrects many movements within the Church that water-down the power and supremacy of the Gospel and God’s sovereignty, it has been well stewarded.
Yet, ironically, when either the Calvinist or the Armenian claim interpretation rights and righteousness, they too begin to do the very thing they object, they begin to reduce the sovereignty of God as they try to de-mystery that which God gifts us as mystery that God may be glorified, not just in the actions of the doctrine but the doctrine itself. They remove the sacredness of such a sacred doctrine as it itself testifies to a Holy God whose nature is so beyond ourselves with majesty and glory incomprehensible. Not just the action/ramifications of God’s doctrine of election are beyond our minds, but the doctrine itself. For one group to treat this or any doctrine as their own, is to go against the God revelation and divine ownership and authorship of scripture.
The bickering and fighting between the many sides of this doctrine and the pride of trying to find position above another must end. These efforts speak of nothing else than attempting to use this doctrine in ways that directly appose the reason it was inspired in God’s word, to bring glory to God and assert his glory by the scriptures themselves.
Where this doctrine causes us to emphasize one (100% God’s Sovereignty) over the other (100% Human Responsibility) or vice versa, or speak of these separately with out the other, it has been taken out of its proper context and thus removed of its purpose. The doctrine of election serves as a vivid reminder from God that salvation and the very nature and mind of God is beyond men, and beyond our ability to fully grasp so that God may glorified not so that either the Calvinists or the Armenians obtain the self glory of winning an argument. Only God will win this argument under the disappointment and dropped jaws of many a Armenian and Calvinist.
Indeed, this a time where the centrality of God’s sovereignty and the power of the Gospel must be reclaimed in God’s church. Yet, let us all make sure that, especially when it comes to this doctrine, we are not acting against the very thing we desire by stripping the sovereignty of God’s doctrine of election as we assert that which God, in this instance, has removed us from concluding; that is, the full understanding of His ways.
O.k., so I set up a little booth outside in a parking lot with a large sign that reads "Take the 'Good Person' Test and win a $1,000,000 bill!"
For about the first fifteen minutes, no one even passed by, but then came Courtney. After some talk about her job and what she was doing in Salisbury, I asked her if she wanted to take the good person test, she agreed.
I gently went through the test using the ten commandments (God's standard for goodness). She admitted to stealing, lying and adultery at heart. Already, I could see the conviction growing in her heart. When I asked her if she thought if God judged her by those standards would she be innocent or guilty, she replied "innocent" as she explained how those mistakes have helped her to become a better person. I then used the illustration of a court room of law where no matter how much she explained to a judge she has learned, a good judge would still see her as guilty, and her crimes needing punishment. She then agreed she would be guilty. "Knowing that, if you died in your sins today, would you go to heaven or hell?" I asked. She replied, "Hell."
Then came the moment I will not soon forget, I asked her "Does that concern you?" and with a somber, fearful look on her face she replied "Yes."
From there I shared the gospel and as she said, "This really makes sense to me."
Pray for Courtney as I know she will be considering our conversation and that she repents and puts her faith and trust in Jesus Christ.
Tragically, Steven Curtis Chapman's daughter Maria died Wednesday when one of her teenage brothers accidently hit her with an SVU in the driveway of their home in Tennessee.
The above video/song was written by Steven about his two youngest daughters. This story and song are powerful reminders to cherish our children.
Please pray for them in this deep time of sadness and loss.
Steven Curtis Chapman's official site is overflowing with traffic from those wishing to express their sympathies. If you'd like to show additional support, consider making a donation to Shaohannah's Hope, the family's foundation promoting the care of orphans from around the world. You can make a donation to the Maria Fund in memory of Maria Chapman by clicking here, or mailing donations to Shaohannah's Hope, c/o The Maria Fund, PO Box 647, Franklin TN, 37065. What better way to remember Maria Sue's life than helping to provide a life for others like herself?
I have been studying and taking myself through the "Way of the Master" basic and intermediate courses on how to effectively and Biblically share our faith in Christ with the lost. Hands down, these teachings have changed my life and much of my ministry philosophy, understanding, and vision. That's how powerful they are.
Finally, after practicing the approach they teach in the course with some friends, I realized it was time to put my faith and training into action and go "fishing" for men.
Around lunch time today, I noticed a fruit stand that I drove by, as soon as I saw it and the gentleman stationed at it, I felt God nudging me. Instead of stopping and sharing the Gospel, in fear, I passed by and went back to the office. What a lame chicken!
Soon after, I glanced out the window where I could catch a glimpse of the fruit stand to see the gentleman still there. I knew I needed to just get over myself and be a genuine follower by becoming a real-life fisher of men. The opportunity was in front of me, the stage was set, the only question was... was I going to cowboy up, trust in God, and live out the calling upon all Christians to "seek and save the lost" not with just lip service, but action.
So, with a Way of the Master produced icebreaker/tract (which are much better than traditional tracts that I really dislike) in hand, I went over to the fruit stand. I introduced myself, used the icebreaker to talk about neutral stuff and then quickly swung to the spiritual. Though I could begin to tell Sam had a Christian background, he said at different points in our conversation "I am really glad you are talking to me about this, I have been having my doubts." I used the divine law to expose the need for the Savior and then shared the Gospel. I emphasized that God requires us to repent and put our faith and trust in Christ, not invite him into our hearts as many, including myself, once believed was the way one "received" salvation. I even dropped in a few seeds about "false conversion" and how Godly sorrow is what leads to repentance unto salvation.
I could tell Sam was truly thinking hard about our conversation and realized God's direct hand in our paths crossing. He was cut to the heart regarding his doubts and given the way of assurance in salvation. At one point, he said, "It's kinda sad that no one has ever talked to me about these things directly, thanks Chris." He wasn't offended, intimidated, but only thankful. As you can see, he even put his hand on my shoulder for the picture as an act of new friendship.
Was I nervous to begin with? You bet, but God couldn't have brought me to a more gentle, receptive, interested person for my first fishing trip than Sam.
Thank you Sam, thank you God.
For info. on how you can learn to share your faith effectively and biblically, visit www.wayofthemaster.com to get your hands on this powerful, life changing teaching and resources.
Trust me, if it can change a guy like me who once thought relational/friendship evangelism was the only way to go and that tracts were for geeky bible thumpers in suits, it could change your whole life and thinking.
Since then, she has separated herself from the lesbian relationship and is soon returning to the state her husband resides in as soon as he returns home from military service. Last Sunday, she attended our Church again. Evidently, before she left, she wanted to come back one more time. Imagine that, a person who was deeply convicted to the heart through God's law wants to return the very place where her conviction occurred? As she said to one person, "I wanted to come back one last time before I leave because I love this Church!" Yup, you read it right... "love"
Almost everything in modern, contemporary Church growth strategies goes against the very real results this woman's experience displays. Many people say that the last thing you want to do to reach "seekers" is to offend them or "turn them off." So make sure you make them as comfortable as you can and entertain them into taking God seriously. Be sure to make them feel good about themselves so they will keep coming back and consider the claims of Christ.
This woman was not entertained, though we certainly have a fantastic worship band. Her children were not blown away by some Disney-calibar children's ministry facility and program. No, rather in my message, she was cornered by God's law to the point of tears, shown how disgusting her choices were, given the only hope she has in Christ, and presented the opportunity to chart a new course.
The result... contrition, repentance, attendance, fellowship, and believe it or not, she is reading the Bible she was given by one of our members and sharing WOTM tracts with her friends.
Maybe I am off my rocker, but perhaps we should be putting our trust and focus simply and exclusively in the power of the Gospel and preparing the way for the work of the Holy Spirit instead of all the other stuff we think is so important to reach people, be relevant, and grow Churches.
“What do I need to look for in a potential leader?”
Most leaders have first hand experience of where they have raised people up into leadership only to later regret that decision. We don’t want to bottleneck leadership, but we don’t want to get ahead of God either. If you are like me, you spend a lot of time and head space on getting this issue right in your leadership.
Obviously, these are not exhaustive, but here are six critical indicators that will help you have an idea of what to look for in a potential leader. (These assume a person's prior salvation through repenting for their sin and putting their faith and trust in Jesus Christ, baptism, fellowship and membership within the Church)
Humble/Teachable/Gentle Spirit
Humble/Teachable/Gentle Spirit
"This is the one I esteem: he who is humble and contrite in spirit, and trembles at my word." Isaiah 66:2
One of the main factors that God looks for in a potential leader is a humble spirit. One has to truly worship God before they can lead other people to God.
Every leader God ever raised up in scripture first had a humbling, repenting, worshipful experience with God that shaped their overall attitude into a humble spirit before God.
If you worship yourself (pride) all you will do is lead people to yourself and self-seeking pursuits. Worship is a humbling act of humility. When you worship God you acknowledge your limitations, sin, brokenness and your desperate need for God, His salvation on the cross, and His will to prevail in your life.
Humbleness agrees with God that there are more important things to life and in life than you. When you have a humble spirit, life becomes less about you, and more about what God desires to do in and through you. It becomes much less about what you are entitled or owed, and much more about your indebtedness to God and desire to serve Him and His people.
Some people manage to turn humility into a source of pride as they draw attention to themselves through their humility. The essence of humility is to take the focus off of you and place it on God and his desires. Humility is the branch from which the fruit of gentleness grows. People who have humility are gentle with others, not forceful, abrasive, or deceitful. You can be gentle and an assertive go-getter at the same time.
Over the years, I have seen people with great skills and competency have their pride and arrogance disqualify them as leaders and render their skills ineffective in spiritual leadership. Behind every move they make is an underlying agenda to draw attention to themselves. They put their own benefit over and above the benefit of the spiritual organization. And all too often, when a person of pride is confronted or their expectations are not realized, they become more aggressive or passive aggressive, or they completely shut down and disconnect. Pride is the author of the book some people live by title “Fight or Flight.”
One of the manifestations of humility comes when a person displays a teachable spirit. Humility says there is always something to learn. Humbleness requires surrendering to God and His design and plan for your life. Having a teachable spirit means that you are open to being developed in any way that moves you further into God’s design and plan for your life. People who have a teachable spirit are prone to consider the reality that other people can impart wisdom and instruction
from which they could benefit. They are putty in the hands of God, waiting to be shaped and molded by God and the people whom God places over and with them.
The difference between confidence and pride is where a person places that confidence and what purpose it serves in their life. A person with a humble spirit will put confidence in God, His power, and purposes and use confidence as way to face the spiritual battles in their life and carry out the good work that God has begun in them. A person ruled by pride will put their confidence in themselves, their ideas, tenure, achievements, and pursuits and will use confidence as a way to intimidate, dominate, and a manipulate in order to compensate for deep rooted insecurity in their lives.
One way of testing for issues of pride is in seeing how a person responds and what they do after you have said “no.” to them.
Though people who have issues of pride may be very gifted, motivated, organized, and competent, their pride will turn their gifts towards the “dark-side” can ultimately go a long way in stealing from the kind of healthy leadership culture and effectiveness you are trying to develop.
Look for people with a humble, teachable, and gentle spirit.
Shared Vision
Some people manage to turn humility into a source of pride as they draw attention to themselves through their humility. The essence of humility is to take the focus off of you and place it on God and his desires. Humility is the branch from which the fruit of gentleness grows. People who have humility are gentle with others, not forceful, abrasive, or deceitful. You can be gentle and an assertive go-getter at the same time.
Over the years, I have seen people with great skills and competency have their pride and arrogance disqualify them as leaders and render their skills ineffective in spiritual leadership. Behind every move they make is an underlying agenda to draw attention to themselves. They put their own benefit over and above the benefit of the spiritual organization. And all too often, when a person of pride is confronted or their expectations are not realized, they become more aggressive or passive aggressive, or they completely shut down and disconnect. Pride is the author of the book some people live by title “Fight or Flight.”
One of the manifestations of humility comes when a person displays a teachable spirit. Humility says there is always something to learn. Humbleness requires surrendering to God and His design and plan for your life. Having a teachable spirit means that you are open to being developed in any way that moves you further into God’s design and plan for your life. People who have a teachable spirit are prone to consider the reality that other people can impart wisdom and instruction
from which they could benefit. They are putty in the hands of God, waiting to be shaped and molded by God and the people whom God places over and with them.
The difference between confidence and pride is where a person places that confidence and what purpose it serves in their life. A person with a humble spirit will put confidence in God, His power, and purposes and use confidence as way to face the spiritual battles in their life and carry out the good work that God has begun in them. A person ruled by pride will put their confidence in themselves, their ideas, tenure, achievements, and pursuits and will use confidence as a way to intimidate, dominate, and a manipulate in order to compensate for deep rooted insecurity in their lives.
One way of testing for issues of pride is in seeing how a person responds and what they do after you have said “no.” to them.
Though people who have issues of pride may be very gifted, motivated, organized, and competent, their pride will turn their gifts towards the “dark-side” can ultimately go a long way in stealing from the kind of healthy leadership culture and effectiveness you are trying to develop.
Look for people with a humble, teachable, and gentle spirit.
Shared Vision
"May the God who gives endurance and encouragement give you a spirit of unity among yourselves as you follow Christ Jesus." Romans 15:5
One of the most destructive forces in Church leadership is division and disunity.
Yet, at the same time, having expectations for unity where God allows for freedom can be equally counterproductive. Every spiritual organization needs to search the scriptures faithfully and allow God's counsel and revelation to determine what are going to be the essentials and non essentials of the values, beliefs and vision of the group. Once that is clearly established, every leader must be enthusiastically aligned to the essentials and allowed freedom in the nonessentials.
With nonessentials, shared vision will sometime need to mean that people agree to disagree and refrain from majoring on the minors. Non-essentials can be turned into essentials when agendas are made out of personal preferences. People who have a divisive spirit and an ax to grind to go with it, are the usual suspects when people gather around non essentials and make them into sources of strife and division.
One of the best ways to discern unity in shared vision is to ask the kind of questions that illumine what a person would do differently if given total freedom to run or shape the organization themselves. Their answers will go a long way at identifying areas of unity and potential disunity.
As many spiritual leaders have articulated, “Vision builds consensus, not the other way around.” Being crystal clear about the vision of your spiritual organization and raising up those who are enthusiastically aligned to the essentials of that vision will go a long way at promoting the effectiveness and health of the organization. Plans and strategies should bend and sway with flexibility, but vision should be well defined and consistent.
Raising up people who you think you can ultimately change, when it comes to areas of disunity in the essentials of vision, is a prescription for future problems. When God is ready, he will bring or identify the right person for the job. Never let the pressures of ministry expansion cause you to take short cuts on shared vision. Furthermore, no matter how large and complicated your spiritual leadership culture becomes, keep a close ear to the floor on your staff and the people with whom you do ministry so as to listen for areas of disunity. A small crack on the ceiling is much easier to fix before it turns into a huge one, but it takes more attention to spot it.
Loyalty
"Let your heart therefore be loyal to the Lord our God, to walk in His statutes and keep His commandments, as at this day.” 1 Kings 8:61
Loyalty means that in your conversion, you have forever stepped onto God's side of the cosmic battle between God and evil and you, first and foremost, will remain steadfast to God, His word, and purposes.
Loyalty means that you have the best interest at heart of the people who oversee you and team with you in ministry. Loyalty means that you put ministry process and parameters above opportunities for self centered pursuit. Loyalty means you care just as much about the relationship you have with those who oversee and team with you in ministry as you do about achieving goals and cranking out ministry product. Loyalty means that you give those who oversee you and team with you in ministry the benefit of the doubt. Loyalty means, within the bounds of integrity, you safeguard the leadership culture in which you operate and give honor and respect to those who oversee you and team with you in ministry. Loyalty means you value the integrity of the journey as much as the prize of the destination.
Loyalty is one of the most important ingredients to look for in a potential leader. Where there is a clear disregard or disrespect of the leadership culture of your organization or of those who make up the leadership, you can know for sure, you have identified a leadership candidate that is “no go for launch.” A person can have disagreements or areas of concern or counsel for the leadership and still be respectful.
Loyalty is one of the most important ingredients to look for in a potential leader. Where there is a clear disregard or disrespect of the leadership culture of your organization or of those who make up the leadership, you can know for sure, you have identified a leadership candidate that is “no go for launch.” A person can have disagreements or areas of concern or counsel for the leadership and still be respectful.
One of the difficult dynamics of loyalty is that it often can’t be tested until you go into battle or face some kind of challenge with that person at your side. Sometimes you can tell a potential leader’s capacity for loyalty by the way they carry themselves in relationships and how they handle power and responsibility. Another way you can discern a potential leader’s capacity for loyalty is by investigating how they finished things up at the last place they worked or led. People who are loyal don’t walk away from things easily nor do they typically do so with carelessness.
Ministry challenges are often the times when true loyalty is tested. Loyalty is easy when things are sailing smoothly, but kick up the winds and the waves and you will quickly find out who is with you and who isn’t. You will find out who sees your relationship with them as an end, or a means to an end. People who are loyal will be careful, committed, and conscientious about what they do and how they work within the system and culture of your spiritual organization. They will see their relationship with you as one that transcends ministry and not depends on it. They will look for every reason to be for you when others are looking for ways to be against you.
Great “Followship”
"They immediately left their nets and followed Him." Matthew 4:20
Among our leadership at Eternity Church, we have a saying “Bad followship never equates to good leadership.”
One of the greatest hallmarks of a genuine Jesus follower isn’t that they carry around a huge Bible and parade their spirituality so that all can see and adore. Rather, it is that they are doing serious battle with the evil within and around and are passionately seeking to “work out” their salvation and grow some spiritual fruit on the vine. The godly sorrow that led them to repentance and thus salvation remains with them as they learn to, more and more, hate what is evil and love what is good. The greatest hallmark of a Jesus follower is that they are in fact following. And in turn that “following” results in self leadership. As in the book of James, faith without works is dead, so is leadership without followship.
Bad self leadership never leads to good people leadership.
People who are great followers are the kind of people you can tell are seriously fighting to grow spiritual in their lives, not for hype, but for true transformation that is evidenced in behavior. Words of correction or guidance don’t just roll of their back or become dismissed by cheap grace, but are seriously considered and put through the mill of discernment so they can be sure to hear God’s heart and desires.
People who are great followers understand that God created them to be in a constant state of spiritual progress. They embrace God’s growth movement in their life and value God’s life changing truth instead of consistently resisting it. People who are great followers have a healthy “fear” of the Lord. To be sure, none of us are always excited when God comes in and wants to move things around in our life. But in the end, great followers have an overall hunger and openness to putting more and more of their lives and living under the Lordship of Jesus Christ.
People who are great follower will take the heart the reality that you don’t really know the truth of Jesus Christ until you are actually live it as a lifestyle.
People who are great followers will have a meaningful, daily devotion life as they pray passionately study the scriptures and commit them to their heart and memory. They will take the Word of God seriously and see it as the ultimate authority for their living. People who are great followers will be life long learners and engaged in classes and small group offerings where they can spiritually grow in the context of meaningful relationships. They will be people who practice the spiritual disciplines of financial giving and serving on a consistent, regular basis. They will be people who desire and utilize opportunities to share the Gospel with the lost and worship the Savior in His sanctuary. People who are great followers will be lovers of healthy accountability so that their leadership and service can be protected by Godly guidance and authority. And when they fail, as Charles Spurgeon suggests, their repentance will be louder than their sin.
Positive Attitude
"Be joyful always" 1 Thessalonians 5:16
A person with a negative, high maintenances personality will be one that will require more attention and energy than you will probably be able to give in a leadership context, especially if you raise them up for significant areas of leadership. Attitude reflects the mindset of the person, and the mindset of the person reflects how they interpret, react and, respond to all of life, especially challenges.
Leaders need to always keep in mind the chemistry and ethos of their ministry teams and staff. Bringing on board a person with a bad attitude will potentially pull a dark cloud over the ministry and the team that leads it. Nothing weighs down the work of God more perhaps than a bad attitude.
The greatest challenge with people who have attitude problems is that it is very hard to change them. Often times, only the power of the Holy Spirit can brighten up a person’s outlook, especially since no one can choose their attitudes for them. If we have a bad attitude, it is no one else’s fault but our own.
At Eternity Church, we typically move people who have considerable attitude issues into a discipleship mode, not a leadership mode. The context of leadership is not the most conducive environment in which to deal with and minister to serious attitude problems, nor is it the most appropriate context to deal with issues where a person is significantly lacking in other indicators mentioned in this article.
Waiting to raise only people up who have positive/joyful attitudes is like waiting for the ice cream to melt a little bit before you try to scoop it out; it’s so much easier, it doesn’t take so much energy, and it won’t make unnecessary messes that you are going to have to clean up instead of enjoying your ice cream.
Leaders need to always keep in mind the chemistry and ethos of their ministry teams and staff. Bringing on board a person with a bad attitude will potentially pull a dark cloud over the ministry and the team that leads it. Nothing weighs down the work of God more perhaps than a bad attitude.
The greatest challenge with people who have attitude problems is that it is very hard to change them. Often times, only the power of the Holy Spirit can brighten up a person’s outlook, especially since no one can choose their attitudes for them. If we have a bad attitude, it is no one else’s fault but our own.
At Eternity Church, we typically move people who have considerable attitude issues into a discipleship mode, not a leadership mode. The context of leadership is not the most conducive environment in which to deal with and minister to serious attitude problems, nor is it the most appropriate context to deal with issues where a person is significantly lacking in other indicators mentioned in this article.
Waiting to raise only people up who have positive/joyful attitudes is like waiting for the ice cream to melt a little bit before you try to scoop it out; it’s so much easier, it doesn’t take so much energy, and it won’t make unnecessary messes that you are going to have to clean up instead of enjoying your ice cream.
Because it is wrong and breaks away from God's design for our sexuality, marriage, and thus family, the homosexual lifestyle carries with it values and agendas that erode the foundational fabric of our culture, not to mention the deceived souls of those involved in it.
Just because something is protected as a "right" within our nation's Constitution does not make it right with God, just as the fact that though all religions are equally protected under the Constitution does not mean they are equally "true."
Should our response as Christians be to forever condemn the homosexual and quarantine our lives away from them? No. That is not how Jesus handles us in our sin, or anyone else for that matter. Yet, getting on the homosexual bandwagon in the name of "grace" and "tolerance" isn't the Jesus way either. Dining with sinners is one thing, promoting their sin is another.
The AFA recently had sent its alert to supporters regarding McDonald's joining the special-interest organization, which lists McDonald's on its website as a "corporate partner and organization ally" for an undisclosed financial contribution, and the company's installing one of its officers on the NGLCC board. In response, McDonald's has been dispatching e-mails justifying its actions. -WorldNetDaily
Obviously, companies have had to be careful in the discrimination category when it comes to employees or perspective employees who are homosexual. Yet, some companies have moved from a spirit of accommodation to a spirit of affirmation and promotion of the homosexual lifestyle, values, and agenda.
Likely to your surprise, apparently one such company is McDonalds. From a recent article written on WorldNetDaily, it is rather clear that McDonalds is deliberately stepping into a supportive role of the homosexual lifestyle and agenda.
(AFA = American Family Association in the quote below...)
"Here is the indisputable fact about McDonald's: McDonald's joined the [National Gay and Lesbian Chamber of Commerce] and have a position on the NGLCC Board of Directors," AFA said in a statement on its website.
The AFA recently had sent its alert to supporters regarding McDonald's joining the special-interest organization, which lists McDonald's on its website as a "corporate partner and organization ally" for an undisclosed financial contribution, and the company's installing one of its officers on the NGLCC board. In response, McDonald's has been dispatching e-mails justifying its actions. -WorldNetDaily
No matter the backpedaling excuses that McDonald's is giving for their actions (in the name of "tolerance") this clearly is a move from being neutral regarding a cultural issue within the marketplace to being proactive in support. Furthermore, if they are truly being neutral and non-supportive by their involvement with NGLCC, why not join the Christian Coalition or the International Christian Chamber of Commerce?
Little did I know that there is evidently more on the "Dollar Menu" than meets the eye. Apparently, a little bit from every McFries now goes to McHomosexuality.
What's perhaps most disappointing is how McDonald's has positioned and marketed themselves as a family friendly and family safe company. If you see homosexuality as family friendly, then I guess you will still agree.
As for me and my house, we will... be going to "Five Guys" that is as far as I know, "Five (heterosexual) Guys"
This past week we looked at the seventh commandment. You know, the one about adultery.
No, like many of the commandments, it's not the most warm and fuzzy thing to teach on, especially when Jesus backs us in a corner when He says...
"You have heard that it was said, 'You shall not commit adultery;' but I tell you that everyone who gazes at a woman to lust after her has committed adultery with her already in his heart" Matthew 5:27
Ouch, that hurt. "O.k. O.k., I admit it! Jesus, I need you to save me from my wretched, opportunistic, adulterous heart." So, if you see me walking around the mall with one of those cone things they put on the faces of dogs, you'll know why. There's not much that has been left a secret at Victoria's Secret or anywhere else, if you know what I mean.
Are Jesus' words purposed on condemning us? Not a chance. But they are purposed on confronting us and convicting us so that we see the diseased nature of our heart before a holy God and reach out in desperation, repentance and thanksgiving when He offers us the cure (Jesus Christ's blood shed on the cross) and receive it through faith and trust in Him.
During my research and prep for my message on the seventh commandment, I discovered there is actually a company that specifically designs greeting cards for people in adulterous relationships. Just when you thought you had heard it all, right? You can check out their site at Secret Lover Collection. It used to be that you could get a scarlet letter for committing adultery. Why? Because it used to be a big deal, people took marriage and sexual purity a lot more seriously than apparently we do now. These days, what do you get for adultery? A greeting card. Nice.
After the service and the delivery of the message, I could tell by the look on some of the people's faces that the message got personal, I know it did for me. It's hard to talk about adultery without talking about adultery.
For one person in our service, it got very personal. Apparently, this married person was currently in an adulterous, homosexual relationship with someone other than their spouse, and had been for some time. Their spouse had no idea. After the service, the moment they got in their car to leave the parking lot, they started crying profusely as they realized the truth and reality of their choices. They even wondered if the whole message was specifically directed and pre-planned for them. Obviously, there was no way we could have planned it like that, but apparently God did. Soon after the tears, while driving home, they decided to leave the homosexual relationship they were in and go to their spouse, get the truth on the table, and makes things right with God and their marriage.
Sometimes we are hesitant to speak the truth in love and tackle hard, personal issues. I know I am at times. Most people don't look forward to conflict or having to share convicting truth.
But more and more, I believe that in all our efforts to "not offend" we may just be unintentionally taking away the very cure that many people so desperately need and desire.
Imagine for that person in the service what might have been (or actually might not have been) if they had heard a neutered, water-downed, insecure message on adultery that in the context of care, love and hope never mentioned words like sin, sorrow, hell, separation, damage, selfishness, repentance, or integrity?
Maybe it's like trying to do major surgery with a dull knife... it may feel better at first for both the surgeon and the patient, but you'll end up doing more damage than good, there will be a lot more blood and pain, and you may end up sending the patient to their death in the process.
Oh, and before you click on the "Secret Lover Collection" link, before sure you have that barf bag handy.
Below are links to the audio of it and some notes to help follow along.
Audio- MP3 "The Truth about Hell"
Audio- Real Player "The Truth about Hell"
Notes- PDF "The Truth about Hell"
Enjoy!
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O.k., so pretty much everybody in "Church-world" knows who Rob Bell is... right?
His video series Nooma, books and recent tour have caught a lot of press. As one who has been in ministry for a good bit of time, I know people can be critical of all the wrong things, for all the wrong reasons, in all the wrong ways. Pretty much no matter what you do and why you do it, there will always be those who find fault or need for improvement. Yet at the same time, in a Christian culture that is easily swooned by the latest fads, there is need for a good measure of "testing the spirits." Not for the purpose of harm or out of spirit of jealousy, but as means of discernment and counsel where needed and appropriate.
In the past I have had direct experience with Rob Bell and of course, I have read the many blogs that share critical viewpoints of his theology and swagger. On the one hand he is obviously gifted, passionate and I would also say, well intentioned. On the other, his intellectualism and celebrity seem to give one the sense that he may error on the side of putting his creativity mind and gifts in analysis above a healthy submission to the clear, yet at times bitter, truths of scripture that may not support his interpretive thrusts and postmodern branding. It appears at times he takes a bit too much enjoyment in hearing himself speak and gleaning his own artistry of words to communicate fresh interpretation for a new culture.
In the process, likes others before him, what he communicates is, in my view, mostly accurate and true to scripture (not to say how beautiful and elegantly spoken), it's that sketchy 10% that gets mixed in at times that makes you go "yikes." For example, in a interview, Rob really side steps the biblical assertions regarding the reality of hell.
Interviewer to Rob: You recently preached a sermon called “God wants to save Christians from hell.” I was discussing the message with a guy who after hearing this message was a bit disturbed and somehow came to the conclusion that you didn’t believe in a literal hell. Let me ask you, do you believe in a literal hell that is defined simply as eternal separation from God?
Rob: Well, there are people now who are seriously separated from God. So I would assume that God will leave room for people to say “no I don’t want any part of this”. My question would be, does grace win or is the human heart stronger than God’s love or grace. Who wins, does darkness and sin and hardness of heart win or does God’s love and grace win?
I don’t know why as a Christian you would have to make such declarative statements. Like your friend, does he want there to be a literal hell? I am a bit skeptical of somebody who argues that passionately for a literal hell, why would you be on that side? Like if you are going to pick causes, if you’re literally going to say these are the lines in the sand, I’ve got to know that people are going to burn forever, this is one of the things that you drive your stake in the ground on. I don’t understand that.
Could he have just had a bad day with words? Sure. I do all the time. But at the same time, there is a bit of a dance around the subject that raises the brow. A biblical view of Hell is a topic that is not only what I believe to be an "essential" of our faith, but also one that requires us to move away from a man-centered Gospel to a Jesus-centered one.
We all need correction and wise counsel. And as it is for all of us, there is room for Rob to grow and mature and there is room for legitimate concern and healthy criticism of his ministry. That's a given for anybody in ministry at anytime. It's easy to see the speck in another's ministry eye and not the plank in our own. So for all you who would take pleasure in seeing Rob burned as a heretic or at the least see his ministry crumble, be careful. And yet for those of you who seem to worship him and automatically reject any words that would stain his rock star status as the postmodern Billy graham of a new generation, be careful.
That said, I hope Rob has surrounded himself with people who will "speak the truth in love" and at the same time not close himself off so tight that he misses the God-ventriloquism of voices from afar that bring to the banquet of his fruited heart and gifts some well-intentioned concerns that may just be authored by God's restorative work in Rob's life... how ironic.
Recently, I listened to a series of messages by Brian Houston, Hillsong Church. In this series he talked about God given platforms... opportunities God gives you to minister to others and put Him on display. In that series, God really "got up in my kool-aid" and backed me into a corner. I realized that in my pursuit of the seemingly prestigious platforms of others, I was missing the potential and power of the platforms God had and was giving me. And most of all, in doing so, I was setting myself against God and God against me.
It was as if the heavens opened and God spoke to me.. "Chris, your platform(s) is no small thing, and as long as it is to you, you are against the Lord."
Yikes, all this time I have been against the Lord. Here I thought the platform was ahead of me to someday be realized in a blaze of ministry glory, only to find out is was under me. I was on it all along, but was too ego-driven to see it, appreciate it, nor harness it. "Hello, my name is Chris Kratzer and I have platform-envy."
I am not alone. There is a powerful passage in the Bible where God is against Korah because of his platform-envy.
Then Moses said to Korah, "Hear now, you sons of Levi: Is it a small thing to you that the God of Israel has separated you from the congregation of Israel, to bring you near to Himself, to do the work of the tabernacle of the Lord, and to stand before the congregation to serve them;
Therefore you and all your company are gathered together against the Lord. And what is Aaron that you complain against him?"
Korah too, had a God give platform. The problem was, for whatever reason, it wasn't good enough for Him. His platform was a "small thing" to him.
I am taking some serious time to repent to God for all the platforms that have been a "small thing" to me, what a looser I am before God. Never again! God gives the platforms, and they are no small thing. The only thing that can be small about a God-given platform is what you do with it.
So now I have a new saying, "It's not the size of the platform, it is the size of the person on it" Jesus took a serious downgrade in platform when he stepped out of heaven to be born in a manger here in this sin-sick world. Look what he did with that platform. It was no small thing to him.
What are your platforms? Are they a small thing to you? Do you have platform-envy?
Blessings,
Chris
To bring the message home, at the end, I gave the congregation the challenge of coming forward and having a volunteer write "I am a murderer" on their foreheads. The first purpose of which was to make a statement of agreement with God about our heart condition and the reality we don't live up to God's design and standard for our lives. The second purpose was to be a conversation starter as most of our congregation goes out to lunch following the service. I made a guess that people would likely ask, "Why do you have that written on your forehead?" Their curiosity would open the door to using a "way of the master" type approach and allowing the x-ray of the 6th commandment to reveal their terminal sin-condition and show their need for God's cure, Jesus Christ.
My guess was right, several of us went out to lunch, and there was plenty of curiosity to go around. People actually came to our table to investigate, not to mention all the inquisitive looks we received. In the future, we plan on training anyone in our congregation who is interested with the "Way of the Master" materials. I am super excited about this and can see by this one little outing that the waters are ready and jumping with hungry "fish." How much more awesome will it be when we have a team of people trained and ready to make the most out of future opportunities God brings.
Blessings,
Chris
Personally, I believe abortion is murder, yet I have deep compassion for many who live with a haunting and sometimes silent regret as they wish they could turn back the clock and choose differently. Are there extreme circumstances where it may be justified? That is up for debate. The truth is, abortion happens everyday for reasons that are unjustified and pure evil, often in the name of a human's right to choose, which is so ironic to me.
However, no matter where you stand on the debate, a viewing of the site www.Abort73.com will no doubt change your life. Let me just warn you, it is intense and graphic. Once you view the site, I would be interested in hearing your comments.
Blessings,
Chris
Recorded at Salisbury Adventist Church where Eternity Church currently meets on Sundays
Part One : "The Dream" (video 1 of 2)
"The Truth about Hell" Easter 2008 (audio)
From the four part series "Living with Divine Passion and Purpose" October 2009
Part four: "Living your Mandate" audio
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